As you may recall, I was raised an only child. I never dealt first hand with siblings, vying for my parents' attention or sharing things I considered mine alone. Raising three sons was a gradual transition... you have one, then another... and another. There was a good share of fighting and rivalry, but I was a savvy mom who rolled with the punches (maybe threw a few too) and the boys survived their childhoods.
When CeCe came into my life, I had quite an adjustment. Never having had a sister, or a daughter before - I was not accustomed to my hair brush disappearing or slumber parties with non-stop giggling. I had to learn how to French braid hair and to recognize the latest teenage heart-throb (yesterday it was the Jonas Brothers but today, it's Robert Pattinson).
DH and I raising CeCe frequently puts me in mind of my own upbringing... an only daughter in a family of three...
And then came Grandma.
It wasn't gradual (I mean, with pregnancy you at least get 9 months) ... and the age gap is slightly greater than normal (70 years) As for a period of adjustment - it is still ongoing. One, because new situations continue to arise, and two, because Grandma tends to frequently forget so every situation can be "new" to her. Raising CeCe and having Grandma is the epitome of the Generation Gap. Not every family is like the Waltons.
CeCe and Grandma have been acquainted for nearly five years. In that time, CeCe has gone from a ten year old child to a fifteen year old "teenager" with accompanying attitude. She likes to spend time in her room, with her friends and basically doing what she wants to do. She has rules, responsibilities, curfews and consequences. Since CeCe and DH lived with his Dad as he struggled with memory loss, the circumstances aren't as dramatically different, as is the 9 year old she 'was' and the 15 year old she has become. There are occasions when CeCe's graciousness may be lacking - but for the most part, I think she's respectful.
This can't always be said about Grandma.
It's been a long while since Grandma has resided with a teenager (about 40 years). In that time, many things have changed ... for instance, cell phones have replaced teen lines, but other things have not... Teenage girls still leave their shoes wherever they take them off... and they have a LOT of shoes.
CeCe likes to cover up while watching TV - she doesn't especially care for returning her blanket to where she got it. Grandma feels inclined to comment about these things, at her own discretion.... (or indiscretion).
Grandma likes her cookies (store bought for those who know me well) and I think she counts them. When CeCe has a friend over, they have been known to consume a few (or all) the cookies. To counter the attack, DH and I buy cookies with raisins (which Grandma loves and CeCe abhors).
Grandma has pretty much taken over the main level living room for a certain number of hours in the day. This has annoyed CeCe who enjoys lounging when she's not in school (and sadly, she is not a fan of Lawrence Welk.)
CeCe has grown accustomed to the supply of juice packets we keep on hand for Grandma and enjoys partaking of them. We're fine with that. Juice drinks have to be better for her than soda, but when she uses the last one - she typically fails to replenish the supply in the refrigerator or leaves several partially drank packets lying around.
Grandma thinks CeCe runs around "half naked" (never mind it's hot, humid and what she chooses to wear or that we keep the house warm to make Grandma happy.)
CeCe (when recently grounded from her cell phone) told Grandma she couldn't use the house phone when she picked up the extension and began dialing.
CeCe: Grandma - you can't use the phone. I'm using it.
Grandma reports to us that CeCe has been using HER phone. We explain to her that it is the house phone and all of us make calls on it. Grandma insists CeCe was using HER phone (picking up and showing us the cordless phone by her chair).
Me: It's all the same Mom - we have like ten phones in the house... they are all on one line.
G: So I can't use my phone?
Me: Not when someone else is using it.
G: What if someone is trying to call me?
Me: They can leave a message and you can call them back later (as in, when we get home).
She's not buying it and she's not happy.
School has been out for three weeks. There's probably six more before it begins again. It will be an interesting, character building period of time that we can either referee or ignore. We choose to merely monitor. We want to keep CeCe respectful and compassionate - but Grandma within her bounds.
Me: Mom, you don't remember when I was CeCe's age. All the friends I had over... the messes we made... the trouble we'd get into. I doubt very much that my Grandma would have been able to handle it - just like you have trouble now.
G: I don't remember Grandma having any problems with you.
Me: No, I imagine you don't - She didn't have a chance.
G: She didn't? Why not?
Me: You put her in a nursing home.
So ends Episode 33
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Episode 32 - Nana Mama's Daddy
Following, is not the episode I planned to post this week. The pre-empted episode will no doubt find its way here shortly, but today - it is being set aside, for the one that has been writing itself most of my life. Since today is Father's Day, I've chosen to blog about someone near and dear to my heart, as well as to Grandma's ... and that would be, Nana Mama's Daddy.
My Dad was 42 years old when I was born. As many men his age were welcoming their grandchildren into the world... Dad welcomed me (calling me his "Pride and Joy"). I always knew my very existence was precious to him and although his love wasn't contingent on anything I did - he continually pushed me to succeed. I imagine he was responsible for some of my successes too, because I don't remember wanting 'them' as much as I wanted to please him. I was definitely Daddy's Girl.
As I have stated before, my Mom did not have the benefit of that kind of upbringing. I'm not sure she ever felt loved by her father and any affirmation came from what she did, not for whom she was. When she married my Dad, her life changed dramatically and he treated her like a queen. There was a 13 year age difference between them. I don't think Mom could ever let go of her "performance mentality' but it didn't matter, as Dad encouraged and supported her in all her activities. My parents were "partners" - in business, home and social activities. It was sometimes interesting with both their Type A personalities - but they were happily married for 35 years, until death did they part.
I was 27 years old when my Dad passed away. My Mom was the age that I am now. The only child I had when Dad died, was twenty-three and a half months old - the exact age his first born child is now. The years have flown by. My first few Father's Days after Dad passed away, were very difficult - in part because few people my age had lost their fathers. Eventually they got easier... time eases pain - I celebrated memories.
For some reason, it has been harder again this year.
Since Mom came to live with us, she has revitalized Dad's presence. She enjoys reminiscing and telling stories about their life together. I am happy she can remember and don't even mind when her memories are slightly skewed. Mom's advancing age has brought back memories of my own - like when my Dad's mother was put in a nursing home at age 83. He hated it. I remember at age 14, running from the nursing home in tears because Grandma was tied in a chair and mumbled incoherently. She had only been there a few months. Dad followed me outside and tried to comfort me. It was just as hard for him to see her like that.
When my Dad was dying of cancer, he said he wanted to die at home. Mom did everything she could so that could happen. I recall talking with Dad in the days before he passed away. I don't remember his telling or asking me to 'take care' of Mom. There was no need to at that time. But nearly three decades later, as her memory began to fail and her physical stamina waned, I will not pretend that my Dad didn't have an influence on my wanting Mom to live with us.
Because, someday I am going to meet him again. It may be when I'm as old as Mom... or it may be before she dies... no matter. When it happens, I'll be able to look at him and tell him, as I did with the other events of my youth, "I did my best Dad..... I kept her happy and safe, for as long as I could."
It's one of the ways I live to honor him. Happy Father's Day Dad!
So ends Episode 32
My Dad was 42 years old when I was born. As many men his age were welcoming their grandchildren into the world... Dad welcomed me (calling me his "Pride and Joy"). I always knew my very existence was precious to him and although his love wasn't contingent on anything I did - he continually pushed me to succeed. I imagine he was responsible for some of my successes too, because I don't remember wanting 'them' as much as I wanted to please him. I was definitely Daddy's Girl.
As I have stated before, my Mom did not have the benefit of that kind of upbringing. I'm not sure she ever felt loved by her father and any affirmation came from what she did, not for whom she was. When she married my Dad, her life changed dramatically and he treated her like a queen. There was a 13 year age difference between them. I don't think Mom could ever let go of her "performance mentality' but it didn't matter, as Dad encouraged and supported her in all her activities. My parents were "partners" - in business, home and social activities. It was sometimes interesting with both their Type A personalities - but they were happily married for 35 years, until death did they part.
I was 27 years old when my Dad passed away. My Mom was the age that I am now. The only child I had when Dad died, was twenty-three and a half months old - the exact age his first born child is now. The years have flown by. My first few Father's Days after Dad passed away, were very difficult - in part because few people my age had lost their fathers. Eventually they got easier... time eases pain - I celebrated memories.
For some reason, it has been harder again this year.
Since Mom came to live with us, she has revitalized Dad's presence. She enjoys reminiscing and telling stories about their life together. I am happy she can remember and don't even mind when her memories are slightly skewed. Mom's advancing age has brought back memories of my own - like when my Dad's mother was put in a nursing home at age 83. He hated it. I remember at age 14, running from the nursing home in tears because Grandma was tied in a chair and mumbled incoherently. She had only been there a few months. Dad followed me outside and tried to comfort me. It was just as hard for him to see her like that.
When my Dad was dying of cancer, he said he wanted to die at home. Mom did everything she could so that could happen. I recall talking with Dad in the days before he passed away. I don't remember his telling or asking me to 'take care' of Mom. There was no need to at that time. But nearly three decades later, as her memory began to fail and her physical stamina waned, I will not pretend that my Dad didn't have an influence on my wanting Mom to live with us.
Because, someday I am going to meet him again. It may be when I'm as old as Mom... or it may be before she dies... no matter. When it happens, I'll be able to look at him and tell him, as I did with the other events of my youth, "I did my best Dad..... I kept her happy and safe, for as long as I could."
It's one of the ways I live to honor him. Happy Father's Day Dad!
So ends Episode 32
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Episode 31 - Musical Magic
As I have mentioned before, Grandma sometimes becomes agitated, frustrated or depressed. This, in addition to her occasional confusion, makes for some fairly stressful moments for all of us.
Now I don't claim to have any medical expertise... I've not studied psychology... and I wouldn't know an endorphin if it bit me. I have however, discovered a fountain of bliss for Grandma, (who by the way, takes no anti-depressants). This past week, we have broadcast during the daytime hours, on our living room television, pretty much non-stop Lawrence Welk and Classic Gospel programming (with a little Guy Lombardo thrown in for good measure).
In the past, we have turned on a musical program for Grandma before we'd leave for somewhere or at night when she went to bed. But now, thanks to the marvels of technology ... we have discovered the "remote access" capability of our satellite dish!
Remote Access allows us to control either of the DVR's in our house via the Internet. If we are at work and Grandma is in the living room at home... one of us can cue up Mr. Welk or Mr. Gaither in mere seconds. We have acquired a nice library of recordings over the past few months and I keep a little log of what episodes she's viewed and the time I start it. If more than 60 minutes go by, my phone may ring at work, signaling that I have shirked my duties. I glance at the clock and the log - and quickly maximize the satellite website. As I answer my telephone... I click on and start another episode.
Me: Hello.
G: Hi, this is.... uh never mind, it's back on!
Amazing! Not only does this mood altering music seem to tranquilize Grandma, it brings out the best in her. We return home in the afternoon to find her gleeful.
G: Oh, the music was just wonderful today. I loved it. So many of the songs I remember playing on my saxophone. My fingers remember the notes!
Me: That's wonderful Mom. We're glad you enjoy it.
G: I do, I do. Those songs just take me back. I remember dancing with your Dad.
Me: I'm sure you do.
At this point Grandma stands and wiggles her arthritis riddled body., stepping to the side with her arms raised.
G: Sammy, I wish you could dance with me.
Grandma says she thinks she'd like to get some of her girl friends together to enjoy this music.....
G: Do you suppose we could get a man to come dance with us?
I stifle a laugh and look at DH, who sits stoically in his chair with his laptop. I shoot him a look that says, "Hey honey, here is your opportunity to show off your moves" He returns one that nips any chance of his being an extra-marital dance partner.
It doesn't matter... Grandma is happy.
Late one afternoon this past week, a storm came up and we once again lost our electricity. It was almost a replay of the outage a few weeks ago. We all sat quietly in the living room, anticipating the return of the power. I'm certain Grandma was especially irritated that her programs weren't on. After thirty minutes or so, Grandma looks at me.
G: Well, you aren't going to even try to fix the electricity.
Me: Mom, I didn't even take Physics. I don't know anything about electricity.
DH: The Electric Company will fix it. We just need to be patient.
I'm thinking we should have bought that generator we saw on clearance a month or so ago.
The lights come back on and so do the musical programs. I'm grateful for both.... as well as remote access via the Internet!
Good night, sleep tight and pleasant dreams to you, Here's a wish and a prayer that every dream comes true. And now 'til we meet again, Adios, au revoir, auf wiedersehen... Good Night!
So ends Episode 31.
Now I don't claim to have any medical expertise... I've not studied psychology... and I wouldn't know an endorphin if it bit me. I have however, discovered a fountain of bliss for Grandma, (who by the way, takes no anti-depressants). This past week, we have broadcast during the daytime hours, on our living room television, pretty much non-stop Lawrence Welk and Classic Gospel programming (with a little Guy Lombardo thrown in for good measure).
In the past, we have turned on a musical program for Grandma before we'd leave for somewhere or at night when she went to bed. But now, thanks to the marvels of technology ... we have discovered the "remote access" capability of our satellite dish!
Remote Access allows us to control either of the DVR's in our house via the Internet. If we are at work and Grandma is in the living room at home... one of us can cue up Mr. Welk or Mr. Gaither in mere seconds. We have acquired a nice library of recordings over the past few months and I keep a little log of what episodes she's viewed and the time I start it. If more than 60 minutes go by, my phone may ring at work, signaling that I have shirked my duties. I glance at the clock and the log - and quickly maximize the satellite website. As I answer my telephone... I click on and start another episode.
Me: Hello.
G: Hi, this is.... uh never mind, it's back on!
Amazing! Not only does this mood altering music seem to tranquilize Grandma, it brings out the best in her. We return home in the afternoon to find her gleeful.
G: Oh, the music was just wonderful today. I loved it. So many of the songs I remember playing on my saxophone. My fingers remember the notes!
Me: That's wonderful Mom. We're glad you enjoy it.
G: I do, I do. Those songs just take me back. I remember dancing with your Dad.
Me: I'm sure you do.
At this point Grandma stands and wiggles her arthritis riddled body., stepping to the side with her arms raised.
G: Sammy, I wish you could dance with me.
Grandma says she thinks she'd like to get some of her girl friends together to enjoy this music.....
G: Do you suppose we could get a man to come dance with us?
I stifle a laugh and look at DH, who sits stoically in his chair with his laptop. I shoot him a look that says, "Hey honey, here is your opportunity to show off your moves" He returns one that nips any chance of his being an extra-marital dance partner.
It doesn't matter... Grandma is happy.
Late one afternoon this past week, a storm came up and we once again lost our electricity. It was almost a replay of the outage a few weeks ago. We all sat quietly in the living room, anticipating the return of the power. I'm certain Grandma was especially irritated that her programs weren't on. After thirty minutes or so, Grandma looks at me.
G: Well, you aren't going to even try to fix the electricity.
Me: Mom, I didn't even take Physics. I don't know anything about electricity.
DH: The Electric Company will fix it. We just need to be patient.
I'm thinking we should have bought that generator we saw on clearance a month or so ago.
The lights come back on and so do the musical programs. I'm grateful for both.... as well as remote access via the Internet!
Good night, sleep tight and pleasant dreams to you, Here's a wish and a prayer that every dream comes true. And now 'til we meet again, Adios, au revoir, auf wiedersehen... Good Night!
So ends Episode 31.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Episode 30 - The Difference
It has been another one of those weeks. Grandma has had some frustrations with the house rules and let me know she may be moving out.
Me: Why do you want to move out?
G: Well, I don't do what you want me to do.
Me: We just ask that you follow the same rules we follow Mom. Where do you think you'd go if you left here?
G: I haven't decided. I'll have to talk to my family. (the family she refers to would be my boys, her grandsons) I know they'd come and get me but I'm not sure who I'd stay with.
Me: Do you really think you'd be happier somewhere else? And is it worth more to you to live somewhere else than to not feed the dogs your lunch?
G: I don't know.
I was away from the house a couple hours yesterday morning. Grandma said she wanted to take a walk. DH told her she could do so, but not to cross the street. (We actually live in a unique area where you can walk around a three block perimeter without crossing a street.) He set the timer on the stove for 10 minutes, figuring if she wasn't back by then, he'd go on a search and rescue mission.
Ten minutes later, the timer sounds and DH puts on his shoes to go hunt Grandma down. She comes in the back door.
DH: I was just coming to look for you.
G: I went to Ace Hardware.
DH: Ace Hardware? You have to cross two streets to get there. You weren't supposed to cross any streets.
G: It was just a couple. I've been there before.
DH: But you're not to cross the street.
G: Then how could I get there?
Grandma and DH are now officially on the 'outs' ... each feeling the other is unreasonable. I return home to civil silence.
G: He's mad at me. Why can't I go to Ace Hardware?
Me: Mom, you got lost a week ago. We told you we can't let you cross the street unless someone is with you. What did you need at Ace?
G: I don't know, but I have shopped there for years.
Me: I realize that - but you didn't say you wanted to go there. DH didn't expect you to cross streets. He was ready to go look for you... I'm sure the last thing he wanted was to have to tell me when I came home that he's let you go for a walk and you never came back.
The civil silence now extends to me.
This morning I tell Grandma we need to do her shower. She's not happy but goes begrudgingly. During her shower, she seems much easier to reason with. When I got in to wash her back and hair, she said, "You take such good care of me."
Me: That's right, I do... do you think the boys (her grandsons) would give you this good a shower? (One son has compassionately told me that when "I" get old, he will gladly come over once a week and hose me down...)
G: (Laughing) No, I don't think so.
Me: So when you get mad at me... remember I'm just trying to take care of you and keep you safe.
G: I know that, and I don't get mad at you.
Me: Yes you do, and that's OK. You're mostly just frustrated about the things you can't do that you used to do. If you want to go to Ace Hardware, and we're home - that's OK. Just tell us. At least we'll know where to start looking if you don't come home.
G: I'm sorry. I know I get confused. Do the boys?
Me: Do they what?
G: Know how I am. How I get? (Aha... she doesn't want to narrow her moving options by their having too much knowledge). Don't tell them. Lie to them. (Now it's my turn to laugh...)
Me: Yes, they know. They are glad you are here with us and they want you to be safe too.
As we move from shower to 'styling chair' - I begin to blow dry Grandma's hair.
G: Is my hair white?
Me: Hmmm, I'm not sure, I'd say it's still more gray than white (though I notice the fresh outgrowth from her roots are much more snow colored than mouse... probably about the length of her time with us.)
G: I look in the mirror and I'm never sure.
Me: I could dye it a nice shade of red.
G: No! (laughing)
I help Grandma dress and then go change into my clothes for church. She goes downstairs, settles into her chair and says to DH, "Boy, If you ever want a good back rub, just go sit in that shower." (She fails to mention to take me along)
As DH and CeCe go out the door, I grab the remote control (the one Grandma isn't allowed to use) and brought up a Classic Gospel Hour.
Me: Here you go Mom - this will be almost as good as church today (that's easy to say to a woman who carries her Bible with her.... She becomes instantly glued to the screen like a child to their favorite animated program.)
I speak again to tell her when we'll return, but she is totally absorbed in the music. I smile. What a difference a day... a shower... and a little Gospel make. I head to the car as Grandma is singing, "He touched me and made me whole...."
So ends Episode 30.
Me: Why do you want to move out?
G: Well, I don't do what you want me to do.
Me: We just ask that you follow the same rules we follow Mom. Where do you think you'd go if you left here?
G: I haven't decided. I'll have to talk to my family. (the family she refers to would be my boys, her grandsons) I know they'd come and get me but I'm not sure who I'd stay with.
Me: Do you really think you'd be happier somewhere else? And is it worth more to you to live somewhere else than to not feed the dogs your lunch?
G: I don't know.
I was away from the house a couple hours yesterday morning. Grandma said she wanted to take a walk. DH told her she could do so, but not to cross the street. (We actually live in a unique area where you can walk around a three block perimeter without crossing a street.) He set the timer on the stove for 10 minutes, figuring if she wasn't back by then, he'd go on a search and rescue mission.
Ten minutes later, the timer sounds and DH puts on his shoes to go hunt Grandma down. She comes in the back door.
DH: I was just coming to look for you.
G: I went to Ace Hardware.
DH: Ace Hardware? You have to cross two streets to get there. You weren't supposed to cross any streets.
G: It was just a couple. I've been there before.
DH: But you're not to cross the street.
G: Then how could I get there?
Grandma and DH are now officially on the 'outs' ... each feeling the other is unreasonable. I return home to civil silence.
G: He's mad at me. Why can't I go to Ace Hardware?
Me: Mom, you got lost a week ago. We told you we can't let you cross the street unless someone is with you. What did you need at Ace?
G: I don't know, but I have shopped there for years.
Me: I realize that - but you didn't say you wanted to go there. DH didn't expect you to cross streets. He was ready to go look for you... I'm sure the last thing he wanted was to have to tell me when I came home that he's let you go for a walk and you never came back.
The civil silence now extends to me.
This morning I tell Grandma we need to do her shower. She's not happy but goes begrudgingly. During her shower, she seems much easier to reason with. When I got in to wash her back and hair, she said, "You take such good care of me."
Me: That's right, I do... do you think the boys (her grandsons) would give you this good a shower? (One son has compassionately told me that when "I" get old, he will gladly come over once a week and hose me down...)
G: (Laughing) No, I don't think so.
Me: So when you get mad at me... remember I'm just trying to take care of you and keep you safe.
G: I know that, and I don't get mad at you.
Me: Yes you do, and that's OK. You're mostly just frustrated about the things you can't do that you used to do. If you want to go to Ace Hardware, and we're home - that's OK. Just tell us. At least we'll know where to start looking if you don't come home.
G: I'm sorry. I know I get confused. Do the boys?
Me: Do they what?
G: Know how I am. How I get? (Aha... she doesn't want to narrow her moving options by their having too much knowledge). Don't tell them. Lie to them. (Now it's my turn to laugh...)
Me: Yes, they know. They are glad you are here with us and they want you to be safe too.
As we move from shower to 'styling chair' - I begin to blow dry Grandma's hair.
G: Is my hair white?
Me: Hmmm, I'm not sure, I'd say it's still more gray than white (though I notice the fresh outgrowth from her roots are much more snow colored than mouse... probably about the length of her time with us.)
G: I look in the mirror and I'm never sure.
Me: I could dye it a nice shade of red.
G: No! (laughing)
I help Grandma dress and then go change into my clothes for church. She goes downstairs, settles into her chair and says to DH, "Boy, If you ever want a good back rub, just go sit in that shower." (She fails to mention to take me along)
As DH and CeCe go out the door, I grab the remote control (the one Grandma isn't allowed to use) and brought up a Classic Gospel Hour.
Me: Here you go Mom - this will be almost as good as church today (that's easy to say to a woman who carries her Bible with her.... She becomes instantly glued to the screen like a child to their favorite animated program.)
I speak again to tell her when we'll return, but she is totally absorbed in the music. I smile. What a difference a day... a shower... and a little Gospel make. I head to the car as Grandma is singing, "He touched me and made me whole...."
So ends Episode 30.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Episode 29 - Grandma Gone Rogue
One day last week, as I sat dutifully in my office at work, my phone rang.
Me: Hello?
Voice: Hi NM, this is RT (a friend of mine). I’m here at the Hills Bank and so is your mother.
Me: What? She is?!
RT: Yes… she has her walker and the dog. She seems a little confused.
Me: I’ll be right there…
RT: I can take her home if you’d like….
Me: No, I’ll come. Thanks RT.
RT: I’ll stay here with her till you get here.
Me: Thank you.
Many thoughts went through my mind as I drove the mile to the bank. What was she doing there? Trying to withdraw money? Checking her accounts? Getting a free cup of coffee?
I spot the three of them as I turn into the parking lot… in the shade of the bank entrance, Grandma seated on her walker, panting dog at her feet, RT standing beside them. RT approaches the car as I shut off the motor.
RT: She’s afraid you’re going to be mad at her.
I breathe a sigh of relief. She hasn’t completely lost her mind…. she knows she’s in trouble.
I get out of the car and walk to Grandma. I ask her what she thought she was doing.
G: I went for a walk. I made a wrong turn or something, but then I saw the grocery store and knew where I was. I just didn’t know how to get back. I saw the bank so I came here.
The dog is in need of water. Grandma is sweating.
Me: Let’s go home.
RT offers to load the walker into the back of his pickup. I take Grandma and Sam in my car.
Me: Mom… it isn’t safe to take dogs out in this heat. (appealing to her dog-sense). Poor Sam can’t handle mid-day temperatures.
G: I didn’t plan to go that far. We were just taking a walk. I think it’s good for my arthritis. DH told me I should walk.
Me: He didn’t tell you to walk as far as the bank! What if you had fallen? What if Sam had gotten away from you? (Fat chance and yes, pun intended…)
We arrive home, unload the walker, reiterate our appreciation to RT and as he leaves, go in the house. We continue to discuss the potential problems venturing away from home alone could cause. She says she is sorry.
Later that evening, I get a message from a friend who works at the bank. She had been working at the drive-thru when Grandma and Sam “rolled up”. Grandma had pointed to the highway and asked if that was the way back to the town where D1 is located. My friend, not realizing Grandma lived with us now (a few blocks from the bank) thought she had walked all the way from D1 and offered to get her a ride back. That was when RT came into the bank, recognized Grandma and called me.
Grandma is no longer allowed to cross the street. We’ve arranged for Ruby to come by each day to walk with her if she wants (or she can take short strolls along the sidewalk around our house when we are home). She is also walking around the outside of the house several times a day and anxious to meet the neighbors who live nearby.
I’m thinking about printing up flyers to distribute with Grandma’s picture and our address, just in case she gets off course again. (A “Neighborhood Grandma Watch”) I had thought about getting a microchip to put under her skin but it turns out those are only for animals (not humans, except in science fiction movies). Someone suggested an electronic monitoring bracelet. If Grandma becomes a repeat offender, we may need to look into it. Actually, RT is a retired Federal parole/probation officer - I bet he could hook us up.
So ends Episode 29
Me: Hello?
Voice: Hi NM, this is RT (a friend of mine). I’m here at the Hills Bank and so is your mother.
Me: What? She is?!
RT: Yes… she has her walker and the dog. She seems a little confused.
Me: I’ll be right there…
RT: I can take her home if you’d like….
Me: No, I’ll come. Thanks RT.
RT: I’ll stay here with her till you get here.
Me: Thank you.
Many thoughts went through my mind as I drove the mile to the bank. What was she doing there? Trying to withdraw money? Checking her accounts? Getting a free cup of coffee?
I spot the three of them as I turn into the parking lot… in the shade of the bank entrance, Grandma seated on her walker, panting dog at her feet, RT standing beside them. RT approaches the car as I shut off the motor.
RT: She’s afraid you’re going to be mad at her.
I breathe a sigh of relief. She hasn’t completely lost her mind…. she knows she’s in trouble.
I get out of the car and walk to Grandma. I ask her what she thought she was doing.
G: I went for a walk. I made a wrong turn or something, but then I saw the grocery store and knew where I was. I just didn’t know how to get back. I saw the bank so I came here.
The dog is in need of water. Grandma is sweating.
Me: Let’s go home.
RT offers to load the walker into the back of his pickup. I take Grandma and Sam in my car.
Me: Mom… it isn’t safe to take dogs out in this heat. (appealing to her dog-sense). Poor Sam can’t handle mid-day temperatures.
G: I didn’t plan to go that far. We were just taking a walk. I think it’s good for my arthritis. DH told me I should walk.
Me: He didn’t tell you to walk as far as the bank! What if you had fallen? What if Sam had gotten away from you? (Fat chance and yes, pun intended…)
We arrive home, unload the walker, reiterate our appreciation to RT and as he leaves, go in the house. We continue to discuss the potential problems venturing away from home alone could cause. She says she is sorry.
Later that evening, I get a message from a friend who works at the bank. She had been working at the drive-thru when Grandma and Sam “rolled up”. Grandma had pointed to the highway and asked if that was the way back to the town where D1 is located. My friend, not realizing Grandma lived with us now (a few blocks from the bank) thought she had walked all the way from D1 and offered to get her a ride back. That was when RT came into the bank, recognized Grandma and called me.
Grandma is no longer allowed to cross the street. We’ve arranged for Ruby to come by each day to walk with her if she wants (or she can take short strolls along the sidewalk around our house when we are home). She is also walking around the outside of the house several times a day and anxious to meet the neighbors who live nearby.
I’m thinking about printing up flyers to distribute with Grandma’s picture and our address, just in case she gets off course again. (A “Neighborhood Grandma Watch”) I had thought about getting a microchip to put under her skin but it turns out those are only for animals (not humans, except in science fiction movies). Someone suggested an electronic monitoring bracelet. If Grandma becomes a repeat offender, we may need to look into it. Actually, RT is a retired Federal parole/probation officer - I bet he could hook us up.
So ends Episode 29
Monday, May 24, 2010
Episode 28 - No Room at the Inn
It’s been a rough week. Grandma has had some lucid days and then she has had some not so lucid days. Likewise – we’ve had some incredibly stressful days… and then some, not as bad.
Sadly, it is hard to blog when I most need to. It seems I get caught up in the fray and there expend every ounce of energy I have. My mind is like jello. This evening, we’ve spent two hours talking about the floor plan of our house…. who “sleeps” where and all of the entrances. We’ve discussed this in depth, over and over. Usually she ‘gets it' – but sometimes, like tonight, it’s a losing battle.
Tonight, Grandma was asking to have an overnight. She has a friend in the nursing home (in her 90’s) with whom Grandma thought it would be fun to have a slumber party.
G: I just think it would be fun to have her stay overnight.
Me: You can’t do that Mom. She lives in a nursing home. She can’t just leave without her family’s permission.
G; What do they have to do with it?
Me: They are her family. They expect her to be where they have arranged for her to be.
G: Well I don’t get it. We’ve been friends for years.
Me: *sigh*
This past weekend, DH and I did some work around the house. One job involved power washing the siding of the house and the deck. Grandma was enthralled with the process. She put a chair front and center at the sliding glass door so she could watch every minute. Well, not every minute. She ran back and forth to the living room, where an exciting episode of Deal or No Deal was playing on GSN.
G: Oh, the side of that garage looks wonderful without that green stuff growing on it.
Me: Yeah, the power washer does a good job, doesn’t it?
G: It looks great…. I’ll be right back. She’s going for a million.
Me: OK - I’m going back out to help DH.
G: Her mother is there helping her. I’d be a wreck.
Today, CeCe told me she was sitting outside over the weekend, listening to her IPOD, when Grandma came out and joined her.
G: Now where is it you live?
CeCe: Uh… here? Upstairs.
G: Oh. What about your parents?
CeCe: They sleep in the room next to mine, upstairs.
G: I didn’t know that. I used to have one of those.
CeCe: What?
G: One of those things. (pointing to the IPOD)
CeCe: You did?
G: Yes, but it was a long time ago.
I told CeCe she should have asked her what was on her playlist. (I could guarantee it would include Lawrence Welk and The Gaithers).
Of course, I owe much of my remaining sanity to those two fellas. As you know, each week, we record the music programs to playback for Grandma later. When circumstances warrant it, we turn on one of the shows for her to view.
Me: How bout a Gospel Hour? (scanning the DVR) Let’s see what we have here…
G: There’s Bill…. I want that one.
Me: Bill it is.
Grandma cannot get away from the complex mentality. She’s quite sure there are others living here. She assures us there are others ‘wanting’ to move in (and we’ve assured her. that will not happen). Of course, she is constantly talking about her conversations with “them”. “They” have no names, “Someone” wanted to store things in our garage.
G: I told them they’d have to talk to you … and that garage needs cleaning.
Me: No it doesn’t – we just cleaned it a few weeks ago.
G: You did?
DH: Yes… we did (I’m certain he’s recalling the half day spent cleaning the garage last month).
Grandma called and left a message on my voicemail today asking if I could “come by” when I got off work… she had something to go over with me. DH said he also got a call from her today asking him to “stop” after work. As we compared notes, and talked with her later – it became apparent, Grandma thinks SHE lives in our house… but evidently we do not. We attempt to set her straight, but I have this fear of coming home someday to find half a dozen senior citizens occupying our bedrooms.
No matter, the garage is not for rent…. There are no rooms for rent…. We have No Vacancies (just in case “they” ask you).
So ends Episode 28.
Sadly, it is hard to blog when I most need to. It seems I get caught up in the fray and there expend every ounce of energy I have. My mind is like jello. This evening, we’ve spent two hours talking about the floor plan of our house…. who “sleeps” where and all of the entrances. We’ve discussed this in depth, over and over. Usually she ‘gets it' – but sometimes, like tonight, it’s a losing battle.
Tonight, Grandma was asking to have an overnight. She has a friend in the nursing home (in her 90’s) with whom Grandma thought it would be fun to have a slumber party.
G: I just think it would be fun to have her stay overnight.
Me: You can’t do that Mom. She lives in a nursing home. She can’t just leave without her family’s permission.
G; What do they have to do with it?
Me: They are her family. They expect her to be where they have arranged for her to be.
G: Well I don’t get it. We’ve been friends for years.
Me: *sigh*
This past weekend, DH and I did some work around the house. One job involved power washing the siding of the house and the deck. Grandma was enthralled with the process. She put a chair front and center at the sliding glass door so she could watch every minute. Well, not every minute. She ran back and forth to the living room, where an exciting episode of Deal or No Deal was playing on GSN.
G: Oh, the side of that garage looks wonderful without that green stuff growing on it.
Me: Yeah, the power washer does a good job, doesn’t it?
G: It looks great…. I’ll be right back. She’s going for a million.
Me: OK - I’m going back out to help DH.
G: Her mother is there helping her. I’d be a wreck.
Today, CeCe told me she was sitting outside over the weekend, listening to her IPOD, when Grandma came out and joined her.
G: Now where is it you live?
CeCe: Uh… here? Upstairs.
G: Oh. What about your parents?
CeCe: They sleep in the room next to mine, upstairs.
G: I didn’t know that. I used to have one of those.
CeCe: What?
G: One of those things. (pointing to the IPOD)
CeCe: You did?
G: Yes, but it was a long time ago.
I told CeCe she should have asked her what was on her playlist. (I could guarantee it would include Lawrence Welk and The Gaithers).
Of course, I owe much of my remaining sanity to those two fellas. As you know, each week, we record the music programs to playback for Grandma later. When circumstances warrant it, we turn on one of the shows for her to view.
Me: How bout a Gospel Hour? (scanning the DVR) Let’s see what we have here…
G: There’s Bill…. I want that one.
Me: Bill it is.
Grandma cannot get away from the complex mentality. She’s quite sure there are others living here. She assures us there are others ‘wanting’ to move in (and we’ve assured her. that will not happen). Of course, she is constantly talking about her conversations with “them”. “They” have no names, “Someone” wanted to store things in our garage.
G: I told them they’d have to talk to you … and that garage needs cleaning.
Me: No it doesn’t – we just cleaned it a few weeks ago.
G: You did?
DH: Yes… we did (I’m certain he’s recalling the half day spent cleaning the garage last month).
Grandma called and left a message on my voicemail today asking if I could “come by” when I got off work… she had something to go over with me. DH said he also got a call from her today asking him to “stop” after work. As we compared notes, and talked with her later – it became apparent, Grandma thinks SHE lives in our house… but evidently we do not. We attempt to set her straight, but I have this fear of coming home someday to find half a dozen senior citizens occupying our bedrooms.
No matter, the garage is not for rent…. There are no rooms for rent…. We have No Vacancies (just in case “they” ask you).
So ends Episode 28.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Episode 27 - The Night the Lights Went Out
With Spring upon us, thunderstorms are a common occurrence and unfortunately, responsible for the occasional loss of power. Such was the case a few days ago, when shortly before suppertime, we lost our electricity during a heavy downpour. I thought the worst part of the pending ordeal was the fact I had a rhubarb dessert half baked in my electric oven. Wrong.
DH was upstairs taking a nap and CeCe was at softball practice. Grandma and I were sitting in the living room (in our respective chairs) where we can (all) be found nightly... watching TV ... (DH and me usually with our laptops). Only this time - there was only the two of us... no TV .... no laptop. It was still daylight, and though raining - we could see easily without the absent lighting.
We chatted for a while about the storm... previous outages, what we might do for supper if the lights didn't come back on ... the typical dialogue, in light of the circumstances (no pun intended).
After a thoughtful pause, Grandma made a comment about "what she might do next" in her life. "Next, Mom?" I said. "Just look at all you've done in your life. Don't you think you could maybe just relax for a little while?" She looked at me like I was speaking a foreign language.
The conversation segue ways to the subject of loneliness. Grandma, like many elderly people, complains of being lonesome.
Me: You were lonely in D1 too Mom. You always complained about not seeing more of us... now you see us all the time.
G: I know. I can't explain it - So many of our people are gone.
Me: Yeah, I'm sure that's hard.
G: Do you know any men?
Me: Men? What kind of men? What do you want with a man?
G: Oh... just someone to talk to. I don't think I want to date or go out, but maybe I would.
Me: (silence)
G: So, do you know any?
Me: Uh... No.
DH and I have enough to deal with, supervising CeCe's social life - I don't think we have it in us to screen would be suitors for Grandma also. I change the subject.
Me: Have you talked to any of your friends lately?
G: Aunt Helen called.
Me: She did?!?
G: Yes, I was so surprised to hear from her. We haven't talked in a long time... you know, I actually thought she was gone...
Me: Like, when did she call?
G: A couple days ago. I can't remember where she said she's living but she thanked me for the Christmas card I sent her.
I got nuthin' and so said as much.
G: She said she had heard I was living with you but had trouble finding the number. It was so nice to talk to her. She said she wanted to be sure to keep in touch with me and I said I'd send her a card again at Christmas.
Me: Did you happen to get her phone number?
G: No, I don't think so.
Me: Well I sent your Christmas cards out last year, and we didn't send one to Aunt Helen, because you were right... she did pass away, five years ago.
G: She did? ....... Well who do you think called me?
Me: I don't know. Maybe you were dreaming.
G: Do you have any way we can verify that she really died?
Me: Hmmm, well I sang at the funeral and I think you have a news clipping in a container under your bed.
The power has been off close to an hour now. I have about reached my limit. I excuse myself and go upstairs to "wake" DH. (Was he sleeping all that time or avoiding captivity in the living room?)
Me: DH, you have to come downstairs.
DH: Why?
Me: I'm going to lose it... she says Aunt Helen called her.
DH: Oh joy.... (getting up) OK.
We rejoin Grandma in the living room where she tells DH the TV won't work.
DH: That's because the electricity is off.
G: Well this still works (holding her remote control). See? (pressing a button) ... the light comes on but the TV won't.
DH: There's a battery in the remote control that is making the light come on.
G: I didn't know that.
We talk a bit and then I spot the local newspaper. There have been a series of articles about a 50 year old, unsolved murder in our hometown. I ask Mom if she remembers it. "No," she replies. I remember growing up hearing and reading accounts of the murder, so find the latest "Cold Case" series fascinating. I move to the chair next to Grandma, where the dwindling daylight allows me to read (aloud) the articles in this week's edition. She leans forward in her chair, listening to every word, occasionally commenting on something that stirs a memory.
A few minutes after I finish reading, CeCe arrives home and (hallelujah) the lights come back on. DH makes toast and eggs for supper. Grandma must have tired from all the visiting and decides to retire early. I turn my efforts to salvaging my half baked rhubarb dessert. Compared to the rest of the evening - it really wasn't that bad.
So ends Episode 27.
DH was upstairs taking a nap and CeCe was at softball practice. Grandma and I were sitting in the living room (in our respective chairs) where we can (all) be found nightly... watching TV ... (DH and me usually with our laptops). Only this time - there was only the two of us... no TV .... no laptop. It was still daylight, and though raining - we could see easily without the absent lighting.
We chatted for a while about the storm... previous outages, what we might do for supper if the lights didn't come back on ... the typical dialogue, in light of the circumstances (no pun intended).
After a thoughtful pause, Grandma made a comment about "what she might do next" in her life. "Next, Mom?" I said. "Just look at all you've done in your life. Don't you think you could maybe just relax for a little while?" She looked at me like I was speaking a foreign language.
The conversation segue ways to the subject of loneliness. Grandma, like many elderly people, complains of being lonesome.
Me: You were lonely in D1 too Mom. You always complained about not seeing more of us... now you see us all the time.
G: I know. I can't explain it - So many of our people are gone.
Me: Yeah, I'm sure that's hard.
G: Do you know any men?
Me: Men? What kind of men? What do you want with a man?
G: Oh... just someone to talk to. I don't think I want to date or go out, but maybe I would.
Me: (silence)
G: So, do you know any?
Me: Uh... No.
DH and I have enough to deal with, supervising CeCe's social life - I don't think we have it in us to screen would be suitors for Grandma also. I change the subject.
Me: Have you talked to any of your friends lately?
G: Aunt Helen called.
Me: She did?!?
G: Yes, I was so surprised to hear from her. We haven't talked in a long time... you know, I actually thought she was gone...
Me: Like, when did she call?
G: A couple days ago. I can't remember where she said she's living but she thanked me for the Christmas card I sent her.
I got nuthin' and so said as much.
G: She said she had heard I was living with you but had trouble finding the number. It was so nice to talk to her. She said she wanted to be sure to keep in touch with me and I said I'd send her a card again at Christmas.
Me: Did you happen to get her phone number?
G: No, I don't think so.
Me: Well I sent your Christmas cards out last year, and we didn't send one to Aunt Helen, because you were right... she did pass away, five years ago.
G: She did? ....... Well who do you think called me?
Me: I don't know. Maybe you were dreaming.
G: Do you have any way we can verify that she really died?
Me: Hmmm, well I sang at the funeral and I think you have a news clipping in a container under your bed.
The power has been off close to an hour now. I have about reached my limit. I excuse myself and go upstairs to "wake" DH. (Was he sleeping all that time or avoiding captivity in the living room?)
Me: DH, you have to come downstairs.
DH: Why?
Me: I'm going to lose it... she says Aunt Helen called her.
DH: Oh joy.... (getting up) OK.
We rejoin Grandma in the living room where she tells DH the TV won't work.
DH: That's because the electricity is off.
G: Well this still works (holding her remote control). See? (pressing a button) ... the light comes on but the TV won't.
DH: There's a battery in the remote control that is making the light come on.
G: I didn't know that.
We talk a bit and then I spot the local newspaper. There have been a series of articles about a 50 year old, unsolved murder in our hometown. I ask Mom if she remembers it. "No," she replies. I remember growing up hearing and reading accounts of the murder, so find the latest "Cold Case" series fascinating. I move to the chair next to Grandma, where the dwindling daylight allows me to read (aloud) the articles in this week's edition. She leans forward in her chair, listening to every word, occasionally commenting on something that stirs a memory.
A few minutes after I finish reading, CeCe arrives home and (hallelujah) the lights come back on. DH makes toast and eggs for supper. Grandma must have tired from all the visiting and decides to retire early. I turn my efforts to salvaging my half baked rhubarb dessert. Compared to the rest of the evening - it really wasn't that bad.
So ends Episode 27.
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