I missed another week of blogging.  I can attribute my AWOL status to several things - one of which was reading a "tips on blogging" article that said:  Never blog about the same thing twice.  This caused me to review my previous posts and the fact that when you are dealing with a confused octogenarian... you continually deal with the same things, over and over.  Likewise, when you blog about living with said confused octogenarian - every post may sound the same.  I can attest, nearly every day feels the same.  So to address the subject more thoroughly... I present:

Episode 43 - Frequently Asked Questions

Grandma deals with "memory issues" - some short term, some long term... some sporadically - some painfully more frequent.  DH, CeCe and I trying unendingly to accommodate her with answers, but we occasionally meet our limits (hopefully not all of us at the same time... )  For the sake of time and space, I'll be as brief as possible:

Will there be music today? (variations:  Is there any music on? How can I get music?  I had music but now it's gone, do you know what happened?) 

     There's music everyday - we have to get it for you.  Your TV auto-tunes to the Gaithers at 1:00 and 3:00.  There's no need to call me at 12:58 to ask about it.  We can also get music for you from our computers, but when their site is down... you'll just have to find something else to watch.

 Do I have anything going on today? (variations:  What day is this? Do I go to the doctor today? Do I have church today? Are you going to work again?) 

     Mom - I go to work everyday.  You don't have any appointments.  We have CeCe's volleyball game tonight (yes, another one, it's called a 'season' for a reason).  Ruby will be coming. You go to church on Sunday.

When will ______________ (fill in the blank with family members' name) be coming again? 

     And depending on "the blank" we respond:  They were just here... I don't know... Thanksgiving.

Do you think I should see the doctor about this? 

     No.  You have seen the doctor about it.  The doctor isn't open today. 

Where's DH? 

    He's bowling.... he bowls on Wednesday nights... he's still bowling.... BOWLING!

Don't you think we need to get the dogs' hair cut?  (variations: Who should I call to make an appointment?  Do I need to find someone to take Sammy for a haircut?  Does Ginger need one too?  Do you think they can give them a bath?) 

     We'll take the dogs... I need to make an appointment.  They'll go at the same time...  Baths come with the haircut.

Who do you think is giving the dogs (people) food?  I know I'm not doing it.  (defensive tactic when we call attention to the dogs gaining weight). 

     The dogs tend to gravitate to the people who will give them people food.  Do you notice the dogs sitting by you whenever you eat?  Do you notice the dogs pay no attention to the rest of us?  It doesn't matter how "little" you give them... they know you will feed them (at least when we aren't around.)

Do you think I should let Sammy out before I go up to bed? (variations:  Do you want to let him out and send him up?  Is it too early for Sam to go out?  If I let Sam out now, do you think he'll get me up in the middle of the night?)  

     First of all, you go down to bed... We let Sam out at 8:00 and send him down.  He was just out a few minutes ago.  Leave him in the kitchen if you're worried about him waking you up (like that would ever happen).

Who owns these premises?  (variations:  Would 'they' allow me to have another twin bed in my room, for Sam?  He was used to having his own bed.  How much do they charge me for my apartment?  Do you think there will be anyone else moving in?) 

     We own the house.... Sam doesn't need a twin bed... another bed would make your room way too crowded.  We don't charge you anything to live here.  NO one else is moving in!

Can you explain this to me?  (Usually referring to something she got in the mail). 

     Yes.  No.  DH already paid that... We explained it before... that doesn't apply to you.... throw it away!

This is just a sampling.  There are many more - I'm not sure if she really wants answers, or just to engage us in conversation, but we oblige.... and oblige... and oblige.

So ends Episode 43

Episode 42 - Between Day Care and the Nursing Home

I love being Nana. DH (Papa) and I greatly enjoy our two grandchildren, three year old Lil A and two year old Belle. We don’t get to see as much of Lil A as we’d like, because he and his parents live in Kentucky… but Belle visits us regularly. She makes herself at home and knows exactly where the toys are. She delights in getting everything out and we delight in letting her. As parenting taught us both – they are little for such a short time… we intend to enjoy them as much as possible. We call their time with us, "NaPa Camp".  Grandma adores both the great-grands. She has a bit of a communication gap with Belle but they generally get their points across to the other.

Last week, Lil A and his Daddy spent some time in Iowa and we enjoyed having them with us for four days. Daddy had work to do while here, which took him away from the house a few hours a day, so Nana and Papa had some great quality time with our grandson. Lil A brought along with him, a plethora of toy figures (he refers to as his “guys”). These action figures are Transformers, Ninja Turtles, Super Heroes and Villains. He knows all their names. Lil A and his imagination played endlessly with his ‘guys’ on the living room rug. Occasionally he would become distracted or leave them unattended. Enter Grandma.

G: Should we pick these up?

DH: No – he’ll be back. Just leave them there.

G: I just don’t want them to get lost.

DH: They won’t.

G: Well someone might step on them and they'd break.

DH: I don’t think anyone will step on them. Just leave them till bedtime. They aren't hurting anything.

G: (Silence)

Lil A also brought some movies along, which we enjoyed watching with him. Surprisingly, none of his movies starred Lawrence Welk or Bill Gaither (not even in animated form). Grandma chose to stay with the family in the living room, though we offered to get her some music in her apartment. Lil A and I went to the library and checked out a few more movies, one being Casper the Friendly Ghost. (At least it had some real people in it).  We took it home and popped it in the player.  Grandma sat watching intently.

G: What is the purpose of this show?

DH: Purpose? Just entertainment.

G: Do you think it’s entertaining?

DH: Yeah… it’s OK.

G: I guess I just don’t get it.

One morning, as Lil A was flying his hand held airplane around the living room making “airplane sounds” he accidentally banked it (once or twice) into the back of Grandma’s chair.

G: Don’t hit my chair please.

Lil A: Sarwy.

A while later, that dang plane did it again.

G: Please don’t hit my chair.

Lil A: Oh Sarwy

Lil A continued to pilot his aircraft, when wouldn’t you know - a bit of tail wind caused one last bump. Grandma became like an irate passenger and raised her voice. Then I raised mine.

Me: Mom, maybe you’d be more comfortable in the basement. Why don’t you go down for a while before lunch?

There. I’d sent my Mother to Time Out.

We have a rocking chair sitting in front of a front window. Grandma must have thought it was too near the window. Since Lil A was standing by it, the following transpired:

G: Lil A, would you move that rocking chair please so it’s not so close to the window? (Lil A complies)

G: A little more that way… (again, he obliges)

G: Pull it forward a little… I think it’s going to hit the window. (She gets a look but he obeys)

I’m not sure Grandma completes the next command when Lil A stops abruptly and says:

Lil A: You aren’t my best friend because you keep making me move that chair! (The ultimate 3 year old insult… much like an 85 year old’s “I’m going to move out” threat.)

The next time Grandma asked Lil A to do something... he wasted no time in saying to her:

Lil A:  You're a Loser. 

Since we were fairly certain "Loser" was a word on the 'no fly list' with his Mommy and Daddy... Papa made him apologize immediately.  We of course then had to wonder if Grandma thought she had just been eliminated from a game she wasn't aware she was playing. 

Now I don’t mean to paint a picture of irritation. The two got along very well for the vast majority of the visit. In fact, at one point, Lil A became Grandma’s best friend. If you recall, Grandma had a great deal of problems with the satellite remote control (continually losing her programs) so DH found some ultra-simple 6 button controllers for her to use. Well, one of Lil A’s movies (that DH had recorded for him) had commercials. Lil A caught on quickly, how to zap through the commercials using the complicated remote. Grandma watched in awe.

The next morning, I left the two (Grandma and Lil A) alone for five minutes while I drove CeCe to school. Lil A was glued to a movie. When I returned Grandma announced she now knows how to zoom through those pesky commercials.

Me: You do?!

G: Yes, Lil A brought me the remote and I said, “I don’t know how to use this” and he said, “You just push the yellow button". He was right!

Now – if Grandma would press ONLY the yellow button , there’d be no problem. It’s the other 35 buttons that get her into trouble. And I have a feeling the exchange between the two (while I was gone) went more like this:

G: Lil A, how do you get the TV to go fast like that? Can you show Grandma?

And then I’m sure he took her the remote, gave her the two second tutorial and then went back to his movie. That Grandma ... she's a sly one.

The last full day of our Kentucky Boys’ visit – we arranged for Belle to come spend the day. The cousins had a great time and DH and I were in NaPa heaven. What fun we had… and Grandma did as well. She may have gone (voluntarily) to the basement for a while but she returned to a myriad of toys, cartoons and happy kiddos.

The next morning, Lil A and his Daddy left to go visit other family members in Iowa. Grandma was sad to see them go. Later that day she asked when they’d be back.

Me: Thanksgiving.

G: Not till then?

I often see parallels between Grandma and the Grandchildren. They can be overtly honest... painstakingly stubborn.... and very entertaining.

“Do you think it’s entertaining?”

Absolutely!

So ends Episode 42

Episode 41 - Keeping in balance

I ran into a friend today who regularly reads my blog.  "You haven't written anything lately.  I check, but there's nothing."

"I know" I said, "Episodes write themselves in my head, but I can't put them on paper... " (not that I have EVER put one on paper...)  It's true. I haven't blogged in two weeks and not for lack of material,  Things are pretty much the same as they have been the past seven months... at least Grandma is the same.  I may be a little more stressed but that's what comes from recovering from surgery, living with an octogenarian, a teenager and being on a diet.  Yeah... a diet.

After a family wedding last summer (which DH and I had both dropped weight for) I gained 10 pounds back; after Grandma moved in, I gained 10 more.  Part of the weight gain could be due to our making better meals (for Grandma's benefit) and the other part could be attributed to self induced culinary comfort.  Excuses aside - DH and I both decided it was time to lose some weight - so we started eating lo-carb.  DH had been quite successful on lo-carb in the past and though we've tried other diets, I agreed to do it "his way" this time.  More about the diet in another episode, I only mention it now to substantiate my stress factor. 

Grandma should always use a cane.  She has two, one she keeps in her basement apartment at the foot of the stairs, and the other she keeps by the doorway (to the basement) in the kitchen.  We encourage her to use one all the time... but that's no guarantee she will. 

Last week, the school nurse called to tell me CeCe was ill.  I went to the school to get her, to take home. As we drove into the driveway, we spotted Grandma (with her cane) walking closely with another woman.

CeCe: There's Grandma.

Me: Is that Ruby?

CeCe:  No... someone else.

I drop CeCe by the back door and drive up to Grandma, lowering my window.

Me:  Hey - Whatsup?  (Grandma turns to look at me)

G:  I'm helping her home.

I recognize the other woman as a friend of Grandma's who is visiting her family (our neighbors).  They are now embarking on the slightly sloping parkway toward the street.

Me:  Are you sharing that cane?

Her friend replies:  I need help but she can't cross the street.

G:  I know I'm not to cross the street... I'm just helping her down to it.

 I look up to our front porch.  Ruby is standing there.  She looks at me, shaking her head.  What do you do?  Grandma is going to test her boundaries to the limit.

The very next day, while outside, Grandma fell in the yard.  Ruby arrived minutes later to find her and called me at work.  I rushed home.  Grandma was sitting upright and refusing our assistance to get up. 

Me: So do you want me to call Coonrod? (a local "Wrecker/Crane" service... Ruby laughed)

G:  Who?

Me: Never mind.

G:  Bring me a pillow.

Me: Why?

G:  I want to use it to get myself up.

 I had already reasoned (or tried) with her so let Ruby retrieve a bed pillow from the house.  Grandma motioned to the ground beside her.

 G: Put it there.  (Ruby complies)

We then watched Grandma lay back and roll herself over onto the pillow and then over again to the previous sitting position.

Me: Mom, you're exactly where you were... except over here.  What are you trying to do?

G:  Put that pillow on the other side.  I need to use my good knee.  (Ruby moves the pillow)

Again, we watch Grandma roll herself over onto the pillow, this time planting her 'good' knee into the ground and hoisting herself up onto her hands and knees.  At that point, she allowed Ruby and me to help her to a standing position.  Her glad realization that nothing appeared broken was second only to her gloating over her effective method of getting herself up.

I took her to the clinic where she was checked out and x-rayed.  Ice was prescribed and her complaint of pain moved each day from her knee, to her ankle to her arm and currently resides in her shoulder.  Bruises and subsequent pain can occur days after an injury I tell her.  Oh - and what, do you ask was she doing out in the yard for anyway?  "To tuck the dog line in so no crippled person comes along and trips on it" (other than herself).

I often go into work early on Fridays and such was the case a few days ago.  I left the house before Grandma got up for the day so it was no surprise to get her call an hour or so into my work day.

Me:  Hello?

G:  There you are.  I came down this morning and the window was open… the fan was on… the deck door was open…

Me:  I came to work early.  CeCe walked to school.  You can shut them if it gets cold.

G:  It’s ALREADY cold.

Me: Then shut them.

Ring:

Me: Hello?

G:  I'm calling because there’s a light on under the dryer.

Me: Someone left the door open, that's why the lights on.

G:  What should we do?

Me: Close the door.'

G:  OK I’ll do that right now.

Ring:

Me:  Hello?

G: The garage door is open. Is it supposed to be open?

Me: No – CeCe probably went out that way.  You can close it.

G:  How do you close it?

Me: Push the button… and turn off the light if it’s on.

G:  Where is the light switch?

Me: There's one in the garage and one inside the laundry room

G:  Where’s the garage button… oh there it is… which one do I push – there’s two.

Me: One is for the light in the garage (great, another light) The bigger one closes the door

G:  I see one that says Lock.

Me: Never mind… leave the door open.

G:  Oh – there it goes (I hear the door closing)

Me:  OK – bye.

The following day, outside the house - in the presence of four adult witnesses and two toddlers, Grandma rose up out of her white plastic lawn chair. She lost her footing and teetered to her left.  The chair tipped over and Grandma began a 360 while we all watched on in horror.  With arms outstretched to her sides, like a child playing airplane... she staggered around in slow motion until finally coming to a complete stop, once again facing forward and as "upright" as she can be.  We broke into applause.

And yes - these four events happened in a five day period.  It's a good thing I work close to home (and also a good thing I don't work "from home").  I realize blogging is therapeutic and I should probably do more blogging and less consumption of comfort food.  We should also wrap Grandma in Nerf to protect her from herself!

So ends Episode 41