Episode 47 - Morning is Broken

Getting out of the house in the morning is a challenge for many families.  DH leaves for work a little past 6:30 a.m.  CeCe and I aim to be out the door no later than 7:50.  I drop her off a short distance from her school and then go on to work myself.  Compared to what my mornings were like a couple dozen years ago... these days are a cake walk. 

Occasionally however, the cake walk runs amuck.  One morning this week, as I was putting on my make-up in the bathroom near the kitchen, Grandma commented that the "last banana" was looking overly ripe.  I had noticed it earlier and it was definitely a day or two past its prime.

G:  What do you want me to do with it?

Me:  Throw it away.

G:  Do you want to save it for anything?

Me:  No, just throw it away.

G:  Should I put it in the trash can or down the garbage disposal?

Me:  I don't care.

G:  Do you think it will go down the garbage disposal?

Me:  I'm sure it will.

G:  Maybe I'll just put it in the trash.

Me: No, the trash doesn't go out for a couple days... better put it down the disposal.

By now I've moved to making my lunch.  As I'm squatting at the open refrigerator, looking for fruit in the crisper, Grandma peers over the door... eyeing a jug of milk on the bottom shelf.

G:  I didn't know we had more milk.

Me:  Yes, but use up the other first.

G:  It's bad.

Me:  This milk?  (looking up to the almost empty jug inside the door shelf)

G:  Yes... I put it on my cereal and it's sour.

Me:  So why did you leave it in the refrigerator?  You should have thrown it out.

G:  Well I think you'd better taste it.

Me:  Why would I want to taste it?  I trust you to know bad milk.

G:  Here ... just smell it.

Me:  I DON'T WANNA SMELL IT....

G:  So what should I do with it?

Me:  Put it down the garbage disposal.

The old insinkerator is getting a good workout today.

Grandma asked if I could get her some music before we left and I said of course.  As I was getting the program, I noticed her whiteboard was smudged.

Me:  You need to be very careful when handling the whiteboard Mom.  You smudged the letters and now it's hard to read.

G:  I didn't do that.

Me:  I'm sure you didn't mean to, but if you touch the writing, it comes off easily.

G:  I didn't touch it. 

Me:  Mom - you're the only one who's had it.  Maybe you laid something on top of it.  You just need to be careful because the writing will come off.

G:  Well, I'm not naming names... but I saw several people handling it. 

Me:  There hasn't been anyone else here.

G:  Then I guess I'll take the blame.... but I didn't do it.

This morning, Grandma dug out a couple insurance EOBs that each had -0- balance due.

G:  Have you looked at these?

Me:  We talked about them a few days ago.  You don't owe anything.

G:  Do we have to send it back?

Me:  No, just put it in your file.

G:  Should we have DH look at it?

Me:  He did look at it.

G:  How about the other guy?

Me:  What other guy?

G:  The other one who's here.  I think his name is DH too.

Me:  Mom, I don't know what you're talking about.

G:  Oh, I guess I don't either ... aren't there two men who live here?

Me:  That's news to me.  I know I only have one husband...

G:  Well, I know that.

Me:  So unless you have a man hidden in the basement....

G:  No...(laughing) I don't have any man in the basement.

Me:  I didn't think so.

I'm not sure where she came up with that one.  Maybe she's conjured up DH's alter-ego.... like Clark Kent and Superman.  We have the wonderful, kind, caring DH who helps take care of her ... and then that stern brute who rips up her junk mail and tells her not to feed the dogs. 

Yup... getting out the door is a half day's work.

So ends Episode 47