Episode 54 - Fa-la-la-la-la ...

It's been 'one of those weeks'.  If you are a regular reader, you may respond, "Aren't they all like that?"  And to a degree, when dealing with Grandma, "Yes they are," but this week it didn't have much to do directly with Grandma... she just made things more interesting.

Tuesday, I had a doctor's appointment.  As I was directed from the waiting room to the examining room, the nurse commented to me, "I had quite a visit with your mother when I called with your appointment reminder." 

    
"I'll just bet you did," I replied.

"Not many people ask me how I've been..." she continued.

"She probably thought she knew you." I said.  (I was actually surprised she hadn't given her my cell phone number.)

Grandma has no set exercise program except for going up and down the basement stairs a couple dozen times a day, half of which are in the evening, after she first tells us goodnight.  She can come up with more reasons to return to the main level or entice one of us to look at something in the basement.  Wednesday, as I put Sammy outside for his last pit stop before bed (Grandma had already retired) I turned around to see she had reappeared in the living room.

G:  Could you come downstairs please?  I ran across a couple of remotes that belonged to Grandma and I want you to look at them.

Me:  Hmmm, I don't think Grandma would have ever had any remotes...

G:  Yes she did... and they are in beautiful condition. 

Me:  I'm sure they are... but whatever appliance they were to, we no longer have.  I think you can just throw them away.

G:  Oh I don't think we would want to do that.  Perhaps the boys can use them. 

Me:  Probably not.

G:  Well, I want DH to look at them.  We'll see what he thinks.  They are awfully nice.

I think to myself, he'll likely throw them away, like he does junk mail, which will not make her happy. 

Me:  You know, DH bought you all the remotes you will ever need.  Just put away any others you run across.

G:  (Retreats)

Thursday morning, I am sitting at work when my phone rings.  A double ring signals off-campus call... I take two guesses on who it might be.

Me:  Hello?

G:  Hi, it's me... your mother.

Me:  Yup, how you doing?

G:  Where are you?

Me:  At work, where you called me.  (I can hear a high pitched Morse Code sounding noise in the background).

G:  Well, I have a problem.  There's a beeping noise coming from somewhere in here and I can't find it.

I guide Grandma around the house, listening as she enters each room.  We eventually determine the 'dot dot dot' sound is coming from the basement smoke detector.

Me:  I think the battery is running low - can you take it out?

G:  How do I do that?
Me:  Can you reach it?

G:  Not without standing on something.

Me:  Never mind.  Can you shut the door and we'll take care of it when we get home?

G:  I guess so.

Me:  Just turn the music up louder.  (That should appeal to her.)

As I returned to my work, it occurred to me, that low battery signals emit a single sound at regular intervals.  This alarm was churning out a rapid successions of beeps with only a second or two in between.  I called DH and gave him the lowdown.  "You'd better go home and check on it," he said.

At home I find Ruby has arrived and she and Grandma are sitting in the living room, music blaring.  "I came home to check the alarm," I shouted.  I went to the basement, and shined a light up toward the alarm on the wall.  A red light was flashing next to the words: "Go to Fresh Air". 

I went up to the main level and placed a call to Alliant, our gas and electric provider.  The dispatch person said she'd send someone right over.  I had pulled the battery to stop the incessant beeping... and made chit chat with the two Gospel Groupies in the living room, while I waited for Mr. Alliant. 

He arrived and after checking out the house with his "CO meter" he said we weren't in any danger.  He got a reading of 6 or 7 parts per million but wasn't really able to find any leaks.  He suggested we call our furnace man.  I was glad Ruby was there, as she was able to distract Grandma, who very much wanted to be involved in the mystery and investigation.  "Don't worry Grandma... the furnace man is coming tomorrow, you'll have ample opportunity to annoy assist him."  When DH got home from work, he put a new battery in the detector.  Silence. (So, maybe a failing battery can have more than one sounding signal... who knew?)

Friday morning, just before DH left for work - Grandma came up from the apartment to report the toilet wasn't flushing properly and the water was rising.  DH grabbed the plumbers helper and headed down the stairs returning a short time later.

DH:  It's really stopped up.  I'll have to work on it when I get home.  Tell Grandma to use the bathrooms upstairs here.

A couple hours later, the soft sound of Christmas music playing in my office is interrupted by the double ring.

Me:  Hello?

G:  It's me... (I once again hear a shrill high pitched sound in the background.)

Me:  What's that sound Mom?  Is the detector going off again?

G:  I don't know what it is but it's been going for several minutes. 

I direct her around the house again, feeling a little deje vu from the previous day.

Me:  Walk over by the TV in the living room.

G:  OK.  Can you hear it?

Me:  Oh yeah... loud and clear.  I think it's the battery backup.  Can you move the TV stand?  Put down the phone and try.

She returns a minute later.

G:  Can't budge it.

Me:  I'll be right there.

I make the seven block trip in a couple minutes.  I enter the house and go directly to the living room, move the TV stand and push the power button on the UPS.  The sound stops.  I turn it back on, move the stand back and prepare to exit when Grandma says:

G:  The furnace man left a paper.

Me:  I know... I talked to him on the phone.

G:  And it doesn't smell very good down there.

Me:  What?

G:  It smells bad.... in my apartment.

My instincts told me to run (quickly) and get away.  My sense of duty forced me down the stairs to discover the sewer had backed up.  I returned to the main level.

Me:  Stay out of the basement.  Just stay up here today.

G:  Well now that that whistle stopped, I can probably do that.

I got in my car for the drive back to work.  I called DH. 

Me:  Call a plumber... Call Roto-Rooter... Call someone...

DH:  OK.

By the time the work day ended, the toilet was running again and all that was left was the clean-up.  Yuck.  But we attacked it full throttle and had it done before suppertime.

I don't have many weeks like this, I'm happy to report.  And I can only hope next week is smoother, as I'm having surgery on my other foot.  I can't say I'm looking forward to the recovery (you may recall Episode 39) but the surgery itself isn't too bad.  I'm certainly glad the surgery and this week didn't coincide!

I was thinking though... wouldn't it be cool to have a magic remote control (that maybe belonged to your great-grandmother?) which just fast forwarded through all the crappy times in life? (Yeah... pun intended.)

So ends Episode 54