Episode 58 - Home for the Holidays

This is my third attempt at posting since my last episode.  DH and I have had the time off from work (between Christmas and New Years).  Each day has brought a new adventure.  As I sit to compose about it... I find myself delving into details that are more ranting than relevant and more frustrating than fun.  In an effort to keep it 'short' - let me summarize.

Grandma had an awesome Christmas with an assortment of gifts.  I had sent the grandchildren a short list of things she could use... and wouldn't you know, most of them honed in on one particular line item: Fruit of the Loom sweats and long sleeved shirts.  Although no one needs three navy blue sweatshirts - who would guess Grandma wouldn't like any of them (pullover style). I think the final count (returned items alone) was four sweatshirts and one shirt.  With her returned funds, we got her a new pair of pajamas and a bottle of her favorite cologne.  Many happy returns!

A few weeks ago, a dowel on my 35 year old Boston rocker broke off the runner, rendering the chair useless.  DH knew its sentimental value to me and said he'd fix it after Christmas.  We put it into our home office which was then beginning to look like a landfill.  The empty spot formerly occupied by the rocker, was filled with a glider we'd exchanged a while back with a similar one from Grandma's apartment.  When DH got around to repairing my rocker this week - it amounted to much confusion to Grandma, who has decided all of these chairs have always been hers ... and since possession is 9/10 of the law - she had concerns.

G:  So what are you going to do with that chair? (rocker)

Me:  DH is going to fix it.

G:  Then what are you going to do with it?

Me:  Put it back here where it used to be.

G:  What about that chair? (the plaid glider)

Me:  We'll probably put it back down in your apartment.  That's where it was before.

G:  That was my grandmother's chair.

Me:  Actually, it is my chair.  It used to sit where your chair (blue glider) sits.  This ottoman matches it, see?  You complained because it squeaks, remember?  You wanted your chair up here so we switched them - but since you still wanted the ottoman, we left it up here.  It's not a big deal, we're still going to leave your chair here.

For several minutes Grandma argued as to whose chair was whose, where they were going, where they had come from...

Me:  The rocker came from Village Carpet - you and Dad gave it to me in the 70's.  The plaid glider is like twelve years old and came from Bill's Brothers (salvage, thus the squeak).  I think you got the blue glider shortly after I got mine, because you liked it so much.

G:  Oh.  Well I just want to be sure that this chair remains mine... and I can take it with me.

Me:  Do you want it back in the basement?

G:  I just want to be able to take it with me when I leave.

Me: Where are you going?

G:  I mean when I move out.

Me:  If you want it in the basement, we'll move it there... not a big deal.  If you want it here, we'll leave it here.  If you have to move to assisted living someday, you can take it.... uh, what do you want me to do with it if you die?

G:  ... then you can have it.

The office (landfill) has been a source of irritation for Grandma for some time now.  It houses a piano, desktop computer, bookshelves, many toys and a spare computer desk.  Up until this week - it also contained the Christmas decoration containers and a broken Boston rocker.  It was by my own admission, a disaster, but I could close the door (out of sight, out of mind).  Except, Grandma couldn't resist making daily comments to us about the state of the room (she couldn't bring herself to call it the "office").  She would remark to visitors, "Don't even think about going in there".  She shuddered when the grandchildren would venture in for a toy. "No, no, no... don't go in there!"  Perhaps fearing they'd become lost.  What's a daughter to do?

The office was on our list of things to do this week.  We took down the tree (goodbye containers) and DH fixed the chair (goodbye rocker).  We sorted, pitched, organized, dusted and recycled most everything.  We still have some sorting to do - but hope to get it completed before going back to work.  One of our biggest problems in the project - was Grandma wandering through the sorted items... moving them about, under the pretense of "where do you want this?"

Me:  Mom - leave things where they are.  I know where things are now - but if you move them around, I won't be able to find them.

G:  Is this mine? (holding up any item she'd run across)

Me:  No - it's ours.  Just put it down, please.

G:  Well I'm going through a lot of papers in my place too.

Me:  That's great. 

G:  I think I'm going to need your help.

Me:  Not now you aren't.  You can see we're pretty busy here.

G:  Yes, I can see that.

Me:  So you work on your stuff and we'll work on ours, OK?

At one point, DH and I decided a break was in order... so collapsed into our recliners (amid the myriad of office junk now in the living room).  Grandma wandered in and moved a sack of cords from her blue glider and sat down.

G:  You have quite a mess here.

Me:  Yup.

G:  Do you think it will all go back in there?

Me:  Everything we need will.

Grandma is distracted by a blurb on television about the book tour for George Bush.  She knows him (of course).  She worked with him 'back in the day', on some insurance business.

Me:  You worked with George Bush?

DH:  Would that have been George W. or his dad, George Sr.?

G:  Well, I knew them both.

DH:  Must have been George Sr. if it was when you were in the insurance business.... but maybe it was with your work with the Republican party.

G:  Oh well yes, that too.

DH gets up and retreats to the kitchen.  Grandma comments how much the blue glider means to her, having belonged to her mother.  I take note that it is only Wednesday ... and am amazed at how much more slowly a week off work goes when it is spent at home with Grandma.  I guess that is an upside to being Home (with Grandma) for the Holidays!

So ends Episode 58

Episode 57 - With every Christmas card I write

When last I blogged, I was preparing to tackle Grandma's "Christmas" gifts.  That was Thursday.  As soon as I posted that episode, I went downstairs and positioned Grandma at the kitchen island.  I had her write her name on the inside of each of the money holders I had purchased.  There were five cards.  It took ten minutes.  That was enough for one day.

The next day, we addressed the outside of the envelopes.  I wrote each couple's names on separate lines of a piece of notebook paper, gave her the stack of envelopes and said "Go for it."  She studied the paper for a moment and then proceeded to write the first grandchild and his wife's name on the envelope.  Knowing how long it took her to simply write "Grandma" ... I knew we were in for a longer session this time.  Not a problem... there was plenty of time before Christmas; however I became distracted (so easy to do 'in the kitchen' the days before Christmas).  A few moments later, I glanced over and saw she was writing the next grandson/wife's name directly under the first names on the same envelope.

Me:  Uh Mom... we have enough envelopes for each couple to have their own.

G:  What?

Me:  You need to use a new envelope with each name.

I grabbed a pen and drew a box around each line on the notebook paper.

Me:  Here.  Just put what's in the box on each envelope, then get a new one.  See?

G:  Oh... OK.

When we had our family gathering yesterday - I passed Grandma's envelopes out to the grandkids.  She barely noted their chorus of "Thank Yous" as she concentrated on opening her mountain of presents.  She did however, take delight in their hugs as they departed a few hours later. 

When "quiet" once again fell over the house, Grandma realized she hadn't eaten lunch and requested a salad for supper.  I fixed her one of my specials and she seated herself at the island to eat it. 

G:  I got to thinking... did we put any money in the kids' cards?

Me:  Yes we did.

G:  I wasn't sure.  I'm glad you remembered to do that.

Me:  I told you I had it covered.

G:  That's good.  I think we had a nice Christmas, don't you?

Me:  Yes I do... we had a very nice Christmas.

And to those reading... I hope you did also!

So ends Episode 57

Episode 56 - It's better to give than receive

It's 9 days post op.  I got the bandage off my foot this morning (replaced with a band aid) and my stitches come out next week.  It's been a long week maneuvering with the clompy velcro shoe (at times, in the snow) and trying to do Christmas things as well.  Gift wrapping was one of the more 'foot friendly' feats and with just more than a day away until Christmas, I've got most things done.

Grandma and I have been having ongoing discussions regarding her gift-giving, for several weeks now.  I assure her I will take care of her 'shopping,' as I have for more than ten years now.  She was somewhat hard to please then and she's no better now.  A few years ago, I convinced her that it would be best to give her grand kids money.  I had enough trouble buying for them myself and it would be easier on all of us if she did.  I thought we had settled this but apparently not.  Even when she would write checks, she wanted a Brinks truck to 'guard the cards' until which time she could ceremoniously distribute them. 

G:  OK, if I give them money, I still want to give them a little something.  Something special that they'd really like.  Can you find something like that?

Me:  Probably not.  Why can't we call it good with the check?

G:  I just want them to have something from me.

Me:  The check is from you.  It has your name on it and everything.

G:  So you're not going to help me?

Me:  Tell me what you want to get.

G:  I don't know... I thought you could think of something.

Because I always do.... uh ... did.  The last couple years, the money has been sufficient.  This year it is a whole new set of questions, concerns and frustration (mostly mine).  Usually I can walk away simply annoyed... this year, I'm stomping away angry.  (Note: since she's living with us - there's not much "away" to go to and when you are recovering from foot surgery, 'stomping' takes painful  effort.)

I have purchased her cards... I have been to the bank (not even going to bother with writing checks - cash works).  All I need to do is suck it up, go downstairs (I'm now hold up in my room) and make her sign the cards.  It sounds so simple.  Why can't it just be simple?

Oh yeah... I had better call the Brinks truck too.

So ends Episode 56

Episode 55 - Just like the ones I used to know

Today's episode comes to you from the comfort of my bed and the discomfort of foot surgery (post op day 2).  Since I had this same surgery four months ago (on the other foot) - I'm fairly prepared for the recovery and what it entails.

When DH and I left two mornings ago, for the surgery, Grandma bid us farewell as if it were any other day.  No mention of the pending procedure... or comments or questions.  "NM's Surgery" was displayed boldly on the whiteboard in the kitchen but it either went unread or uncomprehended.  Likewise, upon our arrival home... (she was in the basement when I hobbled through the door and into the comfort of my recliner) she seemed oblivious to the fact that anything other than the commonplace had occurred.  This is OK I thought.  I would probably feel more frustration with her hovering over me.

As I hibernated in my room most of yesterday, it was apparent she'd forgotten I was at home (although we'd chatted in the kitchen in the morning).  While accessing my office remotely, I observed she called my work phone twice, leaving messages both times. 

When at lunch time we met up again in the kitchen, she remained mum on my condition.  She chatted about her mid-day meal that had been delivered, the pain she was feeling in her hip, some school supplies CeCe had left out and Ruby's coming to see her shortly.  No "How are you feeling?"  "Is the medicine helping your pain?"  "Is there anything I can get you?"  I wasn't annoyed by any means... I was simply surprised. 

I took advantage of yesterday's peace to compose our family's Christmas letter.  Memories of previous letters flooded my mind, as well as memories of Grandma asking me to write her letter.  No such requests this year... at least not yet.

Some things never change - but most things do. 

So ends Episode 55

Episode 54 - Fa-la-la-la-la ...

It's been 'one of those weeks'.  If you are a regular reader, you may respond, "Aren't they all like that?"  And to a degree, when dealing with Grandma, "Yes they are," but this week it didn't have much to do directly with Grandma... she just made things more interesting.

Tuesday, I had a doctor's appointment.  As I was directed from the waiting room to the examining room, the nurse commented to me, "I had quite a visit with your mother when I called with your appointment reminder." 

    
"I'll just bet you did," I replied.

"Not many people ask me how I've been..." she continued.

"She probably thought she knew you." I said.  (I was actually surprised she hadn't given her my cell phone number.)

Grandma has no set exercise program except for going up and down the basement stairs a couple dozen times a day, half of which are in the evening, after she first tells us goodnight.  She can come up with more reasons to return to the main level or entice one of us to look at something in the basement.  Wednesday, as I put Sammy outside for his last pit stop before bed (Grandma had already retired) I turned around to see she had reappeared in the living room.

G:  Could you come downstairs please?  I ran across a couple of remotes that belonged to Grandma and I want you to look at them.

Me:  Hmmm, I don't think Grandma would have ever had any remotes...

G:  Yes she did... and they are in beautiful condition. 

Me:  I'm sure they are... but whatever appliance they were to, we no longer have.  I think you can just throw them away.

G:  Oh I don't think we would want to do that.  Perhaps the boys can use them. 

Me:  Probably not.

G:  Well, I want DH to look at them.  We'll see what he thinks.  They are awfully nice.

I think to myself, he'll likely throw them away, like he does junk mail, which will not make her happy. 

Me:  You know, DH bought you all the remotes you will ever need.  Just put away any others you run across.

G:  (Retreats)

Thursday morning, I am sitting at work when my phone rings.  A double ring signals off-campus call... I take two guesses on who it might be.

Me:  Hello?

G:  Hi, it's me... your mother.

Me:  Yup, how you doing?

G:  Where are you?

Me:  At work, where you called me.  (I can hear a high pitched Morse Code sounding noise in the background).

G:  Well, I have a problem.  There's a beeping noise coming from somewhere in here and I can't find it.

I guide Grandma around the house, listening as she enters each room.  We eventually determine the 'dot dot dot' sound is coming from the basement smoke detector.

Me:  I think the battery is running low - can you take it out?

G:  How do I do that?
Me:  Can you reach it?

G:  Not without standing on something.

Me:  Never mind.  Can you shut the door and we'll take care of it when we get home?

G:  I guess so.

Me:  Just turn the music up louder.  (That should appeal to her.)

As I returned to my work, it occurred to me, that low battery signals emit a single sound at regular intervals.  This alarm was churning out a rapid successions of beeps with only a second or two in between.  I called DH and gave him the lowdown.  "You'd better go home and check on it," he said.

At home I find Ruby has arrived and she and Grandma are sitting in the living room, music blaring.  "I came home to check the alarm," I shouted.  I went to the basement, and shined a light up toward the alarm on the wall.  A red light was flashing next to the words: "Go to Fresh Air". 

I went up to the main level and placed a call to Alliant, our gas and electric provider.  The dispatch person said she'd send someone right over.  I had pulled the battery to stop the incessant beeping... and made chit chat with the two Gospel Groupies in the living room, while I waited for Mr. Alliant. 

He arrived and after checking out the house with his "CO meter" he said we weren't in any danger.  He got a reading of 6 or 7 parts per million but wasn't really able to find any leaks.  He suggested we call our furnace man.  I was glad Ruby was there, as she was able to distract Grandma, who very much wanted to be involved in the mystery and investigation.  "Don't worry Grandma... the furnace man is coming tomorrow, you'll have ample opportunity to annoy assist him."  When DH got home from work, he put a new battery in the detector.  Silence. (So, maybe a failing battery can have more than one sounding signal... who knew?)

Friday morning, just before DH left for work - Grandma came up from the apartment to report the toilet wasn't flushing properly and the water was rising.  DH grabbed the plumbers helper and headed down the stairs returning a short time later.

DH:  It's really stopped up.  I'll have to work on it when I get home.  Tell Grandma to use the bathrooms upstairs here.

A couple hours later, the soft sound of Christmas music playing in my office is interrupted by the double ring.

Me:  Hello?

G:  It's me... (I once again hear a shrill high pitched sound in the background.)

Me:  What's that sound Mom?  Is the detector going off again?

G:  I don't know what it is but it's been going for several minutes. 

I direct her around the house again, feeling a little deje vu from the previous day.

Me:  Walk over by the TV in the living room.

G:  OK.  Can you hear it?

Me:  Oh yeah... loud and clear.  I think it's the battery backup.  Can you move the TV stand?  Put down the phone and try.

She returns a minute later.

G:  Can't budge it.

Me:  I'll be right there.

I make the seven block trip in a couple minutes.  I enter the house and go directly to the living room, move the TV stand and push the power button on the UPS.  The sound stops.  I turn it back on, move the stand back and prepare to exit when Grandma says:

G:  The furnace man left a paper.

Me:  I know... I talked to him on the phone.

G:  And it doesn't smell very good down there.

Me:  What?

G:  It smells bad.... in my apartment.

My instincts told me to run (quickly) and get away.  My sense of duty forced me down the stairs to discover the sewer had backed up.  I returned to the main level.

Me:  Stay out of the basement.  Just stay up here today.

G:  Well now that that whistle stopped, I can probably do that.

I got in my car for the drive back to work.  I called DH. 

Me:  Call a plumber... Call Roto-Rooter... Call someone...

DH:  OK.

By the time the work day ended, the toilet was running again and all that was left was the clean-up.  Yuck.  But we attacked it full throttle and had it done before suppertime.

I don't have many weeks like this, I'm happy to report.  And I can only hope next week is smoother, as I'm having surgery on my other foot.  I can't say I'm looking forward to the recovery (you may recall Episode 39) but the surgery itself isn't too bad.  I'm certainly glad the surgery and this week didn't coincide!

I was thinking though... wouldn't it be cool to have a magic remote control (that maybe belonged to your great-grandmother?) which just fast forwarded through all the crappy times in life? (Yeah... pun intended.)

So ends Episode 54

 

Episode 53 - Memories light the corners of my mind

I've long been known for having a good memory.  Sometimes I'm kidded about it...  sometimes I'm called upon to remember something significant.... and sometimes  it's a curse.  I think this was passed on to me genetically from my Dad.  I recall his once saying:  "September 15.  Nineteen years ago today we put in the shower stall at the old house....  I took a shower and went to a Booster Club Meeting."  At that moment, I knew where I 'got it' - and there was probably no escaping it.  I was destined to remember trivial, non-essential information, which battled within the confines of my brain with the academic and intellectual facts that might have brought me worldly success... but the trivia won.

What, you ask, does this have to do with Life with Nana Mama's Mama?  This, I reply... is the curse.  In the aging process, we all get more forgetful.  My memory certainly isn't what it used to be, and I readily admit when I can't remember that  "I don't have a clue."  On the other hand, if I'm certain of something... I'm willing to die for my cause.

Mom didn't share Dad and my "gift".  She was so busy all of her life juggling her many interests and activities - she was lucky to remember what day it was or where she was to be at a given time.  She lived by her calendars.  One in her purse and another on her office wall.  Things have changed drastically now - and most of Mom's days are pretty much the same.  We keep the white board in the kitchen up to date so she knows what to expect, but that deals with the present.  When it comes to the past, Mom has very different memories.

For instance, we have four Snuggies - those lovely 'armed' blankets.  Several times she has remarked about the one she had when she lived in D1. 

Me:  You didn't have a Snuggie Mom.

G:  Yes I did.

Me:  Not until you moved here.

G:  I did too.  Several of us shared it at the complex.  I don't know what became of it.

Me:  I cleaned out your apartment, there was no Snuggie... but we have plenty for you to use.

G:  But I had one.  I know I did.

And then there were the slippers.  You may recall a couple months ago, our buying her a couple pair of slippers.  She's been wearing the moccasin style ones since the day we brought them home.  Yesterday she insisted she'd had them for years.

DH:  We bought you both of those slippers.

G:  Not these (holding up the moccasins).

Me:  Yeah, we did.... bought them both at the same time. 

G:  I've had these for a long time.  I don't even remember where I got them.

Me:  We got them for you... at Walmart... a couple months ago.

G:  I wouldn't mind another pair.

One day she commented about a sweater she had on.

G:  I thought I'd wear this today.  I know I wear it a lot, but I like it.

Me:  It looks very nice.

G:  I think my mother gave it to me.

Me:  No, Grandma didn't give it to you.  I think Darlene did.

G:  She did?  I don't think so - I think my mother did.

Me:  Nope.  Grandma's been gone a lot longer than you've had that sweater.

This last conversation occurred during Thanksgiving week, when our kids from Kentucky were visiting.  Our daughter-in-law (DIL) is a hospice chaplain and visits patients daily, in their homes.  She says visiting us (Grandma) is sometimes like being at work.  A while after the sweater conversation, she and I were visiting (out of Grandma's earshot).

Me:  It's just really hard to have the same conversations, over and over.  And I don't know where she comes up with some of her memories....

DIL:  One of the women I work with went to a seminar recently dealing with dementia.  They recommend just agreeing with the patient unless to do so would endanger them.

Me:  I've heard that before - it's just so hard when you're living in reality and they're living in fantasy.  It's frustrating.

DIL:  I'm sure it is for you, but the subject might be dropped easily by agreeing.  Like when she said her mother gave her the sweater, you might have said, 'perhaps she did.'

The DIL didn't say it to me ... but I have said it before,  "It is the kinder thing to do."  I thought I was kind... but I prove myself wrong time and again.

We returned to the living room.  The conversation turned to the dogs (a subject on which Grandma is a self-proclaimed expert).   Grandma reported that Sammy was downstairs sitting in my Dad's chair.  (My Dad has been gone nearly 30 years, his chair slightly less).  "That's nice,"  I replied.  She changed the subject to Thanksgiving and how "when she was having coffee with the girls" someone had said such and such.  (Mom doesn't have coffee with anyone but us)  "That's nice," I replied.  I looked at my DIL.  Is she taking note of my kindness?  Does she see how I'm 'letting it go'?  Does she sense my blood pressure rising?  No.

Kindness is not always what you do or say.  Sometimes it is what you don't do or say.  I'm not a poster child for this virtue, but I'm trying.  The stress so often associated with the holidays is self-imposed because we try to create beautiful memories for our loved ones.  My loved one has no trouble creating her own.  My job is to let her... to keep her safe and happy, because...

"That's nice."

So ends Episode 53

Episode 52 - Attitude of Gratitude

The past four weeks... for the month of November, I've been posting daily, things I'm grateful for, on my Facebook status.  It's a good discipline to keep you mindful of the things in life (great and small) that truly make it better.  Today's "gratitude" is my Mother.  She has been living with us for the past ten months and though I'm not always thankful for that fact - I am always thankful for her.

Today, for this episode - I'm choosing to list the 30 things that I think Mom (Grandma) would be thankful for, were she to join my Facebook friends who are also listing their gratitudes.

1. FAMILY - Grandma is grateful to be living with us... even when she's mad at us - she's glad to be here with DH, CeCe and me.
2. GRANDCHILDREN - She adores her three grandsons and their wives.  She has embraced DH's sons and their families and she very much enjoys seeing the 'great grands'.
3. SAMMY - Truth be told... Grandma probably loves Sam, her faithful dog and companion of ten years more than the rest of us.  Paws down - he's her best friend.
4. RUBY - Grandma looks forward to Ruby's visits each weekday afternoon while we are at work. 
5. DRIVING MINISTRY - What a blessing to have a car come each Sunday to take Grandma to church services.  Since we attend a different church, it is wonderful to have her picked up and brought home.
6. CHURCH - Grandma was an active and vital member of her congregation for many years.  It does her good to attend weekly.  I'm grateful for my friends Sharon and VJ who make a point to sit with her.
7. NEWSPAPER - They say you miss a day, you miss a lot.  Grandma doesn't miss much when it comes to the news.  Whether it's world, national or local... she enjoys her paper (and it also helps her know what day of the week it is.)
8. HEALTH - Grandma enjoys relatively good physical health, aside from her osteoporosis and rheumatoid arthritis.
9. MEDICINE - The few issues she does have can be treated with affordable medicine.
10. CURLY SHOE LACES & ELASTIC WAISTBANDS - These things help Grandma be able to dress herself without assistance.
11. PUSHER - The  cane and wheeled walker (complete with seat and hand brakes) give Grandma help in getting about.  If she has her pusher and a clear path... (and permission to leave the property) she's like a kid with a skateboard!  #1 Rule - don't cross the street!
12. CHAIR & WINDOW - Grandma loves her glider in the living room, situated next to the window where she can keep an eye on things inside the house and out.
13. LAWN CHAIRS - Nothing like sitting in the shade on a beautiful day, watching the world go by.
14. LITTLE BOYS NEXT DOOR - Although she keeps tabs on much of the neighborhood... she's particularly fond of watching the three little boys next door to us.  I think they remind her of her grandsons when they were small.
15. SPACE HEATER - Grandma loves a nice toasty 80 degree room.  Enough said.
16. SHOWER TIME - I'm not sure she'd list this in her gratitudes (at least not before she was midway through her shower) but she always enjoys having her back washed, head shampooed and hair styled.
17. TELEPHONE CALLS - Grandma loves phone calls.  She's been known to carry on conversations with telemarketers, people calling to remind us of medical appointments and even prerecorded political calls.  She prefers calls from people she knows, but will make do with whatever she can get.
18. PAPERS - It probably comes from years of record keeping and bookwork, but Grandma loves her papers.  Her phone list, funeral file... even her junk mail which she considers "opportunities we merely choose not to take advantage of."
19. MEALS ON WHEELS - Since Grandma isn't supposed to cook, we are very grateful for the MoW program and the volunteers who deliver warm nutritious meals on days when we are at work.
20. HOME COOKING - Although I'm far from a gourmet cook... what I do make is usually a step up from a pot pie or TV Dinner.   Grandma appreciates the meals we prepare for her.  DH cooks many of them and she seldom fails to thank both of us for our efforts.
21. COOKIES - I don't bake much but fortunately Grandma loves store bought cookies.  She is just as happy with a bag of frosted oatmeal or Chips Ahoy... and is a little possessive of them.  Her prerogative, I guess.
22. RUBBER BANDS - My goodness - the value Grandma places on these elastic wonders is incredible.  She has never thrown one away, but rather choose to wrap them around nearby objects such as the remote control, tissue boxes, pill bottles, file folders, etc.  Rubber bands are second only to clothespins when dealing with things that need to be "kept together".
23. WORK ETHIC - Grandma has never lacked for drive and ambition.  She not only takes pride in a job done correctly, but satisfaction, as well.  We sometimes find it maddening when she tires herself doing a task we have not asked her to do... but we know there's little use in stopping her.  I simply pray this legacy of work ethic subsides in me, before I am her age.  I like to think I will be able to slack off someday.
24. MUSIC - Can best be described as a non-narcotic tranquilizer.  She can be sad, mad or lonely... but a 60 minute dose of music puts her on the Happy Trail.
25. IPTV - God bless Iowa Public Television, who airs two and a half hours of music each Saturday evening for us to record for Grandma.
26. DVR - Now Grandma doesn't know what those letters stand for... but she knows that "they" (that would be us) can get her music from there anytime and from anyplace!
27. GAITHERS - Although she enjoys Lawrence Welk and a little Guy Lombardo... there's no music like Gaither Gospel Music.  She feels like she knows them.  (She actually thinks she knows them... "feels" just sounds better).
28. ALL GAITHER ALL THE TIME - Thanks to a friend loaning us her collection of Gaither videos, DH put them on a 6.5 hour DVD and set it in a loop on the television in her apartment living room. 
29. PHOTOS - Grandma enjoys looking at pictures from times gone by.  She doesn't always remember the people in them... but she definitely recalls some of the occasions when they were taken.
30. MEMORIES - Although age has robbed Grandma's mind of many things... she treasures the memories she has held fast to.  Sometimes she has even embellished them... and stories I've heard for years suddenly have new twists.  No matter - they give her what she needs - happiness and comfort.

We can all find comfort in being grateful... in counting our blessings and realizing the scale usually tips in our favor.  Having Grandma live with us these past ten months has sometimes been stressful.  Sometimes it has been inconvenient... but it has always been a blessing. We may not be immediately grateful for every situation we encounter, but we are always grateful for her.

As this season of Thanksgiving turns to Christmas and then to the New Year, I hope we remember that though we can't change people or circumstances, we can choose to look at them with eyes of gratitude.... and ultimately, our attitude is sometimes all we can ever really change.

So ends Episode 52

Episode 51 - Know Sweats

We have been blessed this Fall with unseasonably warm weather.  Grandma has enjoyed the warm autumn days and the opportunity to sweep leaves off the porch and deck.  We don't encourage this activity, but she does it when we aren't around... then reports it to us, proudly. 

Me:  Mom, you really don't need to sweep the leaves

DH:  We just wait until the trees are bare and get them all at once.

G:  I think it looks better.

Me:  Yeah, it looks very nice - and we appreciate your efforts, but it's not worth the pain you end up with afterwards.

G:  My arm does hurt... so does my hip.

DH:  Exactly.  The sweeping just aggravates it. Our lawn mower mulches the leaves up.  You don't need to sweep.

G:  No one else seems to be doing it.

As the weather turned colder a couple weeks ago, I noticed Grandma had been wearing a favorite green and white plaid top with her slacks.  It's long sleeved and though some type of polyester, a fairly heavy knit.  This shirt has been a mainstay in Grandma's winter wardrobe for the past twenty years.  It had belonged to her best friend who died in 1989.  She's been wearing it ever since.... a lot.  Grandma is very content to wear the same shirt and slacks all week and I'm content to let her.  As long as I see several pairs of her underwear go through the laundry... I'm good.  I've had a little trouble getting the green and white shirt off her back and into the wash though. 

Me:  I think it's time to wash your top Mom.

G:  Did I spill something on it?

Me:  No, but I'm doing a load of knits.  I want to throw it in.

G:  (Reluctantly) .... OK.

I used to have a couple pairs of sweat pants.  I seldom wore them to 'sweat' (work out) but they were nice for lounging around.  Whatever sweats I did have in my wardrobe have been quietly absorbed into CeCe's drawers (who DOES work out).  This is after she cuts slits in the pant 'cuffs' which renders them useless in my opinion.  A few weeks ago, I treated myself to a brand new pair of black sweat pants, a $6 purchase at Walmart.  When we finally broke down and turned on the furnace (we'd had Grandma's space heaters on previously) I found myself sweating in this heavy duty fleece, just sitting in the living room.  It then occurred to me that the sweat pants might be a good addition to Grandma's winter wardrobe.  One Sunday afternoon, as I was folding laundry and came to the black sweats, I commented to Grandma.

Me:  I'm going to leave these sweat pants out for you to try on.

G:  Why?

Me:  Well, they're mine, but they are really warm and I'm thinking of picking a pair up for you.  If you try them on, you can let me know how they fit.

G:  Do I have to do it now?

Me:  No ... just whenever.

DH and I had to take CeCe to Youth Group later that afternoon, and when we returned - there was Grandma, happy as a clam... a clam in black sweat pants.... (and her green and white top).

G:  Look!  They fit... and are they ever warm!

Me:  That's good to know.

G:  And they have pockets.

Me:  I know - handy, huh?

G:  They're a little long... I have to roll the bottoms.

Me:  No you don't.  There's elastic in the hem.  They're supposed to be long... you don't need to roll them, cuz they aren't going anywhere.

Let me rephrase the "they aren't going anywhere" part.  That was the last I saw of my twice worn, once washed sweat pants.  I really didn't have the need or opportunity to wear them for a week or more, so I didn't notice their absence from my closet. 

On our next trip to Walmart, DH and I picked up three more pair of sweat pants for Grandma.  We even bought some matching long sleeved t-shirts and zippered hoodies to create ensembles.  The next morning, she was delighted with her new clothes.

Me:  You'd better try the shirts and hoodies on, to be sure they are the right size.

G:  Do you think these colors match?

Me:  They're both brown... they match.

G:  Well, the shirt looks a little different shade.

Me:  They are both Fruit of the Loom.  They match.

G:  I think the pants are a tad darker...

Me:  They are different fabrics, but the same color.

G:  I guess it'll be alright. 

Me: *sigh*

G:  You said you have an iron, didn't you?

Me:  ....yes .... why?

G:  I think they need a crease ironed into them.  They have a nice one on the sides

Me:  We don't iron sweatpants.... like we don't iron underwear.

G:  What about the crease?

Me:  What about it?  After we wash them, the creases will all be gone.

G:  I used to have an iron.  I don't know where it is.

Throughout the weekend, Grandma admires the black, brown and navy blue fleece, which she has now placed on hangers. 

G:  Now, I could wear the black shirt with the brown pants... don't you think?

Me:  You can wear whatever you want Mom.

G:  I think I'll wear the black ones to church tomorrow.

Me:  No... you aren't wearing sweatpants to church tomorrow.

G:  I won't roll the pants.

Me: No... you aren't wearing sweatpants to church.... ever.  That's what your nice slacks are for.

G:  Can I at least wear the black slacks?

Me:  You betcha.

I eventually found my black sweatpants.... on a hanger in Grandma's room.  I left them there and took the new ones (tags attached and crease in place) up to my room.  One less argument to be had regarding the iron.

I haven't seen her wearing "Old (Green and White) Faithful" since she got her new clothes.  I'm sure she'll bring it out to wear for the Holidays, or to church with black slacks.  The whole thing has caused me to ponder the durability of this magical fabric that won't deteriorate.  I'll bet it's made out of the same stuff that makes diapers fail to decompose in the landfill.

So go ahead Mother Nature.... let the snow fly.  I'm sure it will soon enough - but Grandma, DH, CeCe and I will be toasty and warm in fortified, fashionable fleece!

So ends Episode 51

Episode 50 - Boobie Trapped

This was an eventful week for Grandma.  For a woman who likes to be on a schedule, she was elated to have two appointments on two consecutive days.  On Monday, she had a mammogram and Tuesday - she went to the polls to do her civic duty and cast her vote in the mid-term elections.

A year ago or so, Grandma's doctor and I discussed her health history and determined that unless there was cause for concern, we would forego preventive tests like mammograms and colonoscopies.  She has always passed with flying colors and some tests are physically wearing.  With that said... Grandma announced two weeks ago:  "I think I have a lump in my breast.  Do you want to feel it?"

DH:  I'm outta here.

Me:  Actually Mom, we see your doctor on Tuesday so why don't we let him check it out?

My mind took me back to my first mammogram when there was this little rubber boob in the waiting area.  There was a sign encouraging you to do a mock "self exam" and see if you could detect any lumps (ie: cysts).  I kneaded the little boob for a couple minutes and then sat down to wait my turn.  When I was called back the technician questioned me.

Tech:  Do you do self breast exams?

Me:  Well, not exactly.

Tech:  Did you see the breast replica in the waiting room?

Me:  Yes I did as a matter of fact.

Tech:  How many lumps did you find?
Me:  Actually none - it checked out fine.

Tech:  There were eight.

Me:  No way.... really?

So unless Mom's lump was the size of Jupiter ... I felt waiting for a professional was our best option.

Two days later we saw the doctor. He too found Grandma's lump and though he didn't think it was serious, he scheduled a mammogram.

Dr:  The mobile unit will be in town Monday, is that OK?

Me:  That will be fine.

Monday comes and Grandma calls me twice at work to be sure she has 'everything' right. 

Me:  Mom, it's on the whiteboard.  3:00.  I'll be there shortly after 2:45, just be ready.

G:    Well, I'm ready now so that won't be a problem.

Me:  You didn't use deodorant or perfume did you?

G:    Yes, why?

Me:  You're not supposed to do that... messes with their machines or something.  Take your shirt off and just wash.

G:    Well, that's going to take a while.

Me:  You have plenty of time.

At 3:00 we pull into the clinic parking lot where the "Mam-mobile" is parked.

G:  I want the doctor to look at these veins while we're here.

Me:  We aren't seeing the doctor today... we're just getting your mammogram, remember?

G:  Oh.  (As we get out of the car, she takes off toward the office building)

Me:  Mom!  We aren't going in there... it's over here.

Grandma turns around to see the mobile unit and gives me her "Well, I never..." look.  We rang the bell and the technician came out and assisted Grandma into the unit by way of a hydraulic platform.

Me:  That was pretty cool huh?  Just like Adventureland.

G:  I guess.  What do we do now?

Tech:  Take a seat over there.  We need some information and then I'll take you back here.

Grandma and I sat down next to the receptionist who proceeded to ask the normal series of questions.  I let Grandma answer unless she looked at me, unsure herself of the answer.  She was doing fine until:

Receptionist:  Are you married, widowed or divorced?

G:  I was married.... 

Receptionist:  You're married now?  (Grandma looks at me.)

G:  Yes

Me:  No Mom, you're not married....  You're uh... divorced.

G:  I am?  I didn't know that.

Me:  Well Dad died... and Dale died too... but not until after you were divorced.

G:  I knew he was dead, I didn't remember the divorce.

Me: (to receptionist)  Can you just put single?

The remainder of the questions were much easier.  After they were over, the receptionist explained that the results of the test would be sent to Grandma as well as to her doctor's office.

Receptionist:  If we find we need more pictures, we'll contact you within the next few days.

Grandma stared at her blankly.  She then turns to me:

G:  I don't think I have any pictures of my breasts. Do you?

Me:  No Mom - not photos... she means x-rays... if they need more x-rays.

G:  That's good...

Grandma went back with the technician and returned a short time later.

G:  That hurt.

Me:  Yeah, they have quite the vice grips huh?

G:  I hope I don't have to do that again.  (Me too, I thought.)

A couple days later, we got the call from the doctor's office that everything looked fine on the mammogram, which only goes to show that peace of mind is greater than the effort to get a Grand-mammogram!

The next day was Election Day.  In "her day" Grandma was a force to be reckoned with on the political front.  She was active in the Republican party and had her name on the ballot a few times, as well. 

Ring! (my office phone)

Me:  Hello?

G:  It's me.  When are we going to go vote?

Me:  Uh, when I get home from work?

G:  When will that be?

Me:  Same as always... 4:30 or so.

G:   OK.  I'll wait then.  I was pretty sure it was today.

I actually left work a bit early thinking we'd get to the polls and back ahead of the rush.

G:  Can we talk about this again?  I'm not sure I remember everyone's name.

Me:  It's OK.  I'll be with you.  Remember last time?  We sign a paper that allows me to sit with you while you vote.

G:  Well, let's do that again.

As soon as we walked into the polling place, Grandma was greeted by a woman she used to golf with years ago.  She was working at the sign in table.  We signed the little paper allowing me to assist her and she was given her ballot.  We went to the back of the room where she took a seat and I stood over her shoulder. 

G:  Do I have to fill in ALL these circles?

Me:  Well, just the ones you want to vote for.

G:  Oh dear.

Me:  You can vote a straight ticket it you want...

G:  How many circles do I fill in?

Me:  Just one.

G:  Let's do that.  I don't remember all their names anyway.

Grandma meticulously colored in her circle and left wearing her "I voted" sticker.

G:  What school is this?  (she said as we headed to the car.)

Me:  It's not a school, it's the Catholic Church.

G:  It does look sort of like a church.

Me:  I imagine you were used to voting at City Hall.

G:  I think so.

I returned to the church an hour later with DH to cast my own ballot.  The lady who used to golf with Grandma was still there and commented how nice it was to see her.

Me:  Yeah, I could have gotten her an absentee, but I thought she'd like to actually come to the polls.  I may rethink it next time.

A few hours later, DH, Grandma and I sat in the living room watching election returns.  The network aired a pre-recorded clip of President Obama campaigning for a senator seeking re-election.

G:  Did he get re-elected?

DH:  The senator?  The voting isn't over yet.

G:  No, the President ... did he win?

DH:  He wasn't running.

G::  He wasn't?  He's sure been on TV a lot.

DH:  No. He's not running for two more years.

 So there ya have it - Grandma's eventful week.  Mammogramed on a truck ... Voted in a church ... and a few boobs on the ballot.

So ends Episode 50



Episode 49 - Game on

I'm a candle person.  I love to burn them, both for the ambiance and their aromatherapy.  Fall fragrances are my favorite: pumpkin, apple, spice and clove.  Nothing is more relaxing to me than sitting in my living room, watching television or reading, with several apothecary jar candles aflame around the room.

G:  You have your candles lit again I see.

Me:  Yes I do... don't they smell nice?

G:  I'm just surprised they let you have them here.

Me:  They?  Who are "they"?

G:  Well, you know... the owners.  They usually don't allow candles because they are dangerous.

Me:  We are 'they' Mom.  We are the owners. We can burn candles if we want to.

G:  I see.  But they are dangerous.

Me:  I know you weren't allowed to have candles when you lived at D1, but these candles are enclosed... there isn't an open flame.  As long as we are in the same room with them, there's not much danger.

G:  Well, you know they are going to pass a law where you can't burn them.

Me: Who is?

G:  The City.  I don't remember where I was at or who was telling me... maybe I read it in the paper... but they are going to outlaw them because they start fires.

Me: Hmm - guess we'd better enjoy them while we can then.

Last Sunday, Grandma woke up with a sore arm.  She insisted she didn't want to go to church.  DH reminded her that she frequently has aches or pains upon rising, but after taking her medicine she feels better and she always feels better after she's been to church.

G:  I know I can't go.  I can't lift my arm and the pain is terrible.

Me:  That's OK, I already called Mr. and Mrs P. and told them not to pick you up.

G:  I'd really like to go... I just know I can't.

Me:  No problem.

G:  Well what about the golf?  Should we cancel that too?

Me:  Golf?

G:  Yes... I don't think I can golf.  You'd better call and cancel that too.

Me:  Mom, when's the last time you played golf?

G:  Uh... last week I think.

Me:  Really?  How'd you shoot?  Where'd you play?

G:  I don't remember...

Me:  That's right, cuz you haven't golfed in like ten years.

Grandma and I went through her clothes this week and put the summer clothes away and brought out her warmer ones.  Her wardrobe (for all seasons) is made up of elastic waisted slacks.  Arthritic fingers don't mix well with buttons or zippers.  Most of them are of a nice knit fabric that goes from clothes dryer to hanger with no fuss.  Of course Grandma isn't satisfied with the quality of the crease...

G:  Do you have an ironing board?

Me:  Yeah... it's upstairs.  What do you need it for?

G:  I didn't know if you had one or not but I think I need to iron my pants.

Me:  I think they look fine. 

G:  They don't look bad, but I thought we could press them.  (Key word: 'we')

Me: No, they really do look fine.  That's why I hang them up right away when I take them out of the dryer... so we don't need to press them.

G:  I used to have one.  I don't know what happened to it.

Me: I told you I had one... we may have taken yours to Goodwill.

G:  If I could get a ride to my mother's, I'm sure she'd let me borrow hers.

Me: Yes, I'm sure she would... except she died like 47 years ago.

G:  Oh that's right....  I wonder what we did with her ironing board.

And one night this week... DH came home from work to find Grandma's lunch pills still in the cup I'd put them in that morning.

DH:  Grandma, you didn't take your pills.

G:  Yes I did.

DH:  No you didn't.  They are still here on the counter.

G:  Well I took them.  I remember.

DH:  You might be remembering your breakfast pills, but you forgot the ones at lunch.

The rest of the conversation is not print worthy.  Two agitated individuals quarreling over two capsules.  Neither having any interest in backing down.  At work, my cellphone sounds the familiar ringtone signaling a message from DH.

Text Message:  Just got into a shouting match with Grandma because I told her she forgot to take her pills.  I'm in my room.

I text back:  You mean OUR room?

DH text:  Yes OUR room.  Hiding out since I came up and slammed the door. :-\

A few minutes later, "Switzerland" returns home (that would be me...)  Entering the living room:

Me:  Hey Mom... how's it going?

G:  DH is mad at me.

Me:  What's the problem?

G:  He says I didn't take my lunch medicine, but I did.

Me:  These?  (holding up the little cup containing the two capsules.)

G:  Yes.

Me:  Well, since they're still here... I'd say you didn't take them.

Then I go upstairs to see how the other contender was doing.

Me:  Enjoying the quiet?

DH:  There's no use trying to talk to someone who has no sense.

Me:  She says you're 'mad as can be' at her.

DH:  Sometimes she drives me crazy.

Me:  Yeah, me too.

What DH doesn't know is, Grandma rather enjoys arguing with men.   I remember her standing up to my dad and my step-dad.  She's like a dog with a bone... refusing to let anything go, wanting to be the last man standing.  Inevitably, she would push too far.  My dad, step-dad... and now DH - eventually barks back and Grandma becomes the whimpering victim.  The difference now -  she forgets all about it within a short time. 

Yup - Grandma's still got game.

So ends Episode 49

Episode 48 - Three Wishes

Over the past couple weeks, Grandma has expressed a desire for a couple items.  It hasn't been the first time she's mentioned these particular things - but our answers regarding them are typically the same.

G:  I was wondering.

Me: What were you wondering about?

G:  Well, is there any way I could get a drivers license?

Me: No.

G:  There isn't?

Me: No.

G: Why not?

Me: Well, for one thing... you don't have a car anymore.  Why would you need a license?

G:  Oh... just in case I wanted to drive somewhere.

Me:  We take you everywhere you need to go. People from church give you rides there.  I can't think of anywhere you'd need to drive - so you really don't need a license.

G:  I just thought it would be good to have one.

Me:  When we talked to the doctor a couple years ago, she told you "no driving" and "no using the stove."

G:  She did?

Me:  Yes.  So no drivers license.

And then there's the cell phone.  Grandma takes note of every single member of our family using their cell phone. 

G:  Do you think I should get one of those?

DH:  One of what?

G:  What you have there.

DH:  A cell phone?

G:  Yeah.

DH:  Probably not.  You have the land line and the only person you call is Ruby or us if we're not home.

G:  I just thought it would be something I should look into.

Me:  You used to have a cell phone Mom.

G:  I did?

DH:  Yes, when you still drove.  It was good to have when you were away from your apartment a lot.

Me:  But you had trouble pushing the numbers because the keys were small.

And her phone wasn't nearly as small as what cell phones are today.  I had written instructions for her on how to make calls, answer and end a call.... Since she couldn't figure out how to use the "phonebook" (which I had set up with every one's numbers), she had little stickers all over the back and sides of the phone with our numbers written on them.  It was a great source of entertainment for us.

G:  I don't remember having one, but if you say I did...

Me:  You did.... but there's really no reason for you to have one now.  If you really need to make a call - you can always use one of ours.

It was about two years ago when I knew Grandma was slipping a little.  I went to pick her up at D1 to take to a funeral and noticed as she got in the car, that she had the handset to her telephone (land line) in her purse.

Me:  What's with the phone Mom?

G:  I thought I should bring it along.

Me:  To a funeral?  Why?

G:  Well, in case someone tries to get hold of me....

Me:  Mom, that's a regular telephone... It won't work away from your apartment.

G:  Yes it does.  I take it to Harriet's or the Community Room and it works fine.

Me:  That's because it is close to the base.  It won't work at the church... and that's why you have an answering machine.  If someone calls you - they'll leave a message.

G:  Okay.  I'll leave it in the car.

Me:  Good idea.  I'm going to leave my cell phone in the car too.

A few days ago, Grandma wanted to discuss her finances.

G:  I need to know how I'm standing.

DH:  What would you like to know?

G:  Do I still have that annuity?

DH: Yes you do.

G:  I think I'd like to take some money out of it.  There's some things I'd like to buy.

DH:  They automatically send you some money each year.

G:  They do?

DH:  Yes, that's how you set it up

G:  I did?  I don't remember that.

DH:  You set it up a long time ago, when you were remembering things better.  They deposit the money into your account every year.

Me:  What are you thinking about buying Mom?

G:  Oh, just a few things.

Me:  What kind of things?  Maybe we can help you if you tell us what you want.

G:  Well maybe I don't really need them - but I thought if there was some money in the annuity, I could get a pair of slippers.

Me:  Slippers?

G:  I used to have some.  I don't know what I did with them. 

DH:  Grandma - you have plenty of money in your checking account to get slippers.

Me:  Mom... you just need to tell us when you want something.

At this point, she's probably thinking... "Yeah.... that worked real well for me with the drivers license and cell phone..."

Friday night, DH and I went shopping... CeCe went with us.  At Walmart I announced we needed to look for slippers for Grandma.  We found some fluffy ankle high ones in pink or black.  I rang Grandma up (on the land line).

Me:  Hey - we're here getting your slippers.  Would you like pink or black?

G:  Oh, I don't know.  Black would probably go with more things.

Me:  That's true, but it's not like you're going to wear them out and about.

G:  OK ... just get the black.

I put the black slippers in the cart when CeCe saw some moccasins.

CeCe:  Get Grandma some moccasins!

Me:  So you can wear them?

CeCe:  No, really.  Get her the moccasins.

Hmmm.  Fuzzy inside... firm sole...  it just might work.  I looked for her size.

CeCe:  Get brown.

Who am I to argue?

We got home and presented Grandma with her new slippers.  I told DH to hang onto the receipt, we could be taking them both back.

G:  Which ones do you think I should keep?

Me:  Keep em both Mom - you're worth it.

G:  I probably don't need two pair.

After a while, she announces:

G:  I think I like these. (the moccasins - score CeCe!)

The next morning, she decided she wanted to keep them both... and we applauded her choice to do so.  She was happy and we were probably happier.  With all the times we have to be the bad guys (and after the last episode, DH refers to himself in the third person as "Good DH" and "Bad DH") it was nice to make her happy (without going to the Bank!)

So ends Episode 48