When Grandma lived on her own in D1, I would immediately and emphatically correct her if she got mixed up or confused about something. I didn’t do so to be cruel or because I lacked compassion. I did it because she was living independently, I needed to know she was dealing with, and in reality. Since moving here – she has had more than a few moments of confusion and I gently set her straight. Occasionally she gets way off track, but I know it’s a short trip and she’ll be back on course soon. My response to those episodes is often just to let her talk it through.
Grandma’s mindset is still “complex” oriented, in the senior housing sense of the word. She talks about “our people here” to which we say there’s just the four of us. A few times she has mentioned the "other tenant" in the basement.
“No Mom, there’s no one there but you.”
“Well, she was there when I moved in, because I heard her.”
Last night she asked me, “What is the number of your unit?”
We sleep upstairs, so I thoughtfully responded “I guess that’d be 2A.” She seemed satisfied, but DH told me later I was probably reinforcing her “complex” confusion. I somehow doubt that since she forgets simple conversation easily. Thankfully, these kind of moments of confusion aren’t frequent.
Her memories from long ago seem intact. She talks a lot about my Dad (who died 29 years ago). Over the weekend, she was telling two of my daughters-in-law about how she and Grandpa used to like to dance around the kitchen table. Grandma was smiling at the memory. The girls shared her delight and one asked teasingly, “What else did you and Grandpa do on the dining room table, Grandma?”
“No. Not the dining room – that had carpet. We danced in the kitchen.”
A couple days later, Grandma is telling DH and I about how Dad (her DH) talks to her. She shared bits of their conversations and how he has assured her things are going to be alright and how I will take care of her. DH politely tells Grandma, “I know it might seem real, but he’s been dead for many years and can’t really talk to you. You were just dreaming.”
Grandma looked at him blankly and I shot DH a “look” he will likely long remember. I then told Mom that Dad was right. Things are as they should be and we are going to take care of her. I later told DH if Grandma wants to talk to her dead husband(s) or any other dead friends, we should let her (as long as they don’t stay for supper, I’m thinking….) I want her to safe and happy. I won’t feed her fantasies (“So Mom,what’s Dad had to say lately?”) but I won’t dash them either. I can’t count the number of times in the past three decades I’ve wanted my Dad to talk to me and tell me “everything was going to be alright”. What comfort that would have been.
Sweet dreams Mom…
So ends Episode 8
No comments:
Post a Comment