Episode 35 - Age: is it really just a number?

Grandma lives with rheumatoid arthritis in her back and joints.  Her crippled fingers cannot close in a fist.  She takes medication a couple times a day to keep on top of the pain and I think she's in pretty good shape physically, for her age, though she frequently mentions this ache or that discomfort.

Note I said, for her age.  At 85, there's not much that 'shouldn't' be a tad tender as the body approaches the 200,000 mile mark (and in Grandma's case, it's probably 250,000).  My standard answer to her comments about new found pain... "I've never had this before" is "Well, you've never been 85 years old before."  Actually, most of her maladies aren't necessarily new, she just doesn't remember having had them before.

G:  Look at these veins in my arms... look how big they are!  They protrude terribly.  What do you think causes it?

Me:  You're 85 Mom... your skin is getting thinner.  Sometimes your veins are just more prominent than others.

G:  Do you suppose we should have the doctor look at it?

Me:  You tell the doctor every time we see him.

G:  Oh.

Mom has had an age spot above her left eye for many years.  Sometimes she blames its presence on an injury.

G:  I don't know where I got this mark, but I think it was when I fell down.  It really hurts.

Me:  You've had that discoloration for years Mom... it's just age, you didn't get it falling down.

G:  I did too.  I never had this before.

DH:  You've had it as long as I've known you.

G:  Well, it is really hurting...

Me:  Don't pick at it...

G:  Has the doctor looked at this?

Me:  Yes.

G:  Well alright.  He may need to look at it again.

I wash and style Grandma's hair each week and she checks daily (with a hand mirror) how it is "laying in the back".  Sometimes she asks for my assistance, particularly if she is going to church (where the rear of her head may be scrutinized by others).

G:  Can you cover up that bald spot?

Me:  Mom, it's not a bald spot, the hair just naturally separates there.

G:  Well it looks bald if you don't cover it up right....

I do my best to direct the hair over "the spot."

G:  I don't know why my hair won't cooperate.

Me:  I think it may be the blood pressure medicine Mom.

G:  What's that have to do with it?

Me:  That kind of medicine sometimes causes your hair to thin.  It's not a bid deal, you have plenty of hair.

G:  I just don't want that bald spot to show....

And then there's my least favorite 'woe' to commiserate....

G:  Look at these veins in my legs.  I don't know what causes it, but they look horrible.  See how they are all blue and right next to the surface?

Me:  Oh Mom, that's nothing... you don't have that many veins and if they don't hurt, what does it matter?

G:  They look terrible.  (that did it!)

Me:  Mom.... stop your complaining.  Look at my legs!  I'm nearly 30 years younger than you - and my legs have many more veins showing than yours.... and I've had them for years!

G:  Ohhhh - Those do look terrible.  Can't you do anything about it?

Me:  I don't know... I guess they never really bothered me that much.... (*sigh*) At least until now.

Grandma has fallen several times - her osteoporosis makes for less than a straight path and she loses her balance when not using her cane (which we constantly remind her to use).  I warn her to be careful so as not break a hip or she'll have to spend a month in the nursing home recuperating. 

When Grandma lived in D1, she would talk about her "funeral file" almost every time we visited ... the purple folder which contains her prearranged and prepaid funeral plans.  We could usually avoid going over the details, but she was definitely preoccupied with her final farewell.  Since moving here, I'm not sure she's even brought it up... much less out.  Maybe she's decided she'll live forever. 

Still, she complains about 'this and that' and what can be done to remedy the situations. 

Me:  Mom... you are 85 years old... your body isn't the same as it used to be.  Heck, I'm 30 year younger than you, and mine isn't what it used to be.  It's just part of the aging process. 

G:  I suppose....

Me:  For goodness sake - the Bible says we should live 70 years... 80 if we're extra healthy.  You've exceeded even that.  You aren't living on borrowed time - you are living on Bonus time. 

And then I did something I hadn't planned.  I told her to pick up her newspaper.  She did.

Me:  OK Mom... I want you to go down each obituary and just tell me how old they were.

G:    Well.... Let's see.  She was 77..... and this one's 81......  here's a 68.....  (and so on)

By the time she finished the last column, she'd read only two numbers greater than 85.  The point was made.  Yes, she's got some physical problems to deal with, but she still has life and breath with which to deal with them. Let's be glad for that.... and at this rate, she could outlive all of the pallbearers in the purple file.

So ends Episode 35