Episode 13 - Respite Weekend Part 2

I am NanaMama’s youngest son and her guest writer today. My beautiful wife (BW) and I recently spent a weekend looking after Grandma. She (Grandma) and I have always been very close... we even share the same birthday. We lived only a couple miles from her growing up, and when I was in grade school, she drove me to school every day. During the summers, she would happily drop everything, to drive me to the golf course or swimming pool. I enjoyed spending a couple nights every week at her house, up until junior high, when time with Grandma lost out to time with friends, sports and homework.

As you know, when my Mom (NM), DH and CeCe made plans to take a long weekend to Kentucky, they called in reinforcements! With a weekend full of conference championship basketball, I couldn’t help but think of myself as the bench, coming into the game when the starting lineup needed to catch their breath and drink some water.

BW and I (along with our dog, Kaycee) pulled into Iowa at 2:30 am on Saturday morning. It was a late, rainy drive from North Central Missouri where we live, but we thought it best, to be in Iowa when Grandma woke up in the morning. My oldest brother, his wife and their daughter had also spent the night with her.

Morning came quickly. My brothers and I, all have pleasant memories of Grandma making us pancakes for breakfast, so my brother attempted to make pancakes for the family while I brewed coffee and Grandma reviewed her itinerary (an event that would occur and recur all weekend long).

G: It is so great having you all here! Where is NM?
Me: Mom and DH went to Kentucky.
G: Oh….that’s right.

My brother and SIL had plans for the day and evening so BW and I were going to take care of their Baby. They got their things around and departed, leaving us with our 20-month-old niece and our 1,019-month-old Grandma.

Just minutes after they departed, Grandma commented on how messy the house was. I cleaned up after the pancakes (which I’d made after my brother threw in the towel following one pancake). BW began our laundry. Grandma grabbed the itinerary.

G: This says that Meals on Wheels isn’t coming today. It says chicken pot pie and salad. NM should be home soon to make that.
Me: No Grandma – she’s in Kentucky. She’ll be home Tuesday. I’ll make you lunch.
G: Oh….that’s right. Did you tell me that already?
Me: Yes.

Lunch went as smoothly as it could have. Ruby, Grandma’s former dog-sitter and good friend, walked down from the retirement apartments up the street, to visit a while. I listened to the two discuss how they always forget things, while BW put Baby down for a nap.

During the afternoon, Grandma napped as well…a nice break for all of us. BW and I had made plans to take Baby with us, out to dinner with a friend of ours. Ruby was set to return for the afternoon and evening.

At 4:30, Grandma commented that she thought it was about time for her to go to bed. While she couldn’t head downstairs to her private quarters until her evening medicine, I gave it to her, relieved to know she would be fast asleep when we came home later that evening.

Before we left, Grandma went over the itinerary with me one more time:

G: Ruby is here. You’ll be back. Where is NM?
Me: She’s in Kentucky.
G: Oh…that’s right.

Dinner with Baby was an adventure within an adventure, but that’s a story for a whole different blog. (BW and I won’t be having children for a while).

When we pulled into the house after 9 pm, I was amazed to discover Ruby and Grandma sitting up watching television.

G: YOU’RE HOME! BLESS YOUR HEART! YOU’RE HOME! YOU’RE NOT LEAVING AGAIN ARE YOU?
Me: YOU’RE AWAKE! Grandma…. why are you awake?

Ruby explained that Grandma was wound up and refused to go to bed until we got home. We quickly began the process of letting all three dogs out individually, each getting their own treat as they come inside. I looked at the island and noticed that the package of cookies which had been entirely full when we left now had only 3 cookies remaining.

Me: Grandma? Did you and Ruby eat all these cookies?
G: Oh we just sat here and kept eating them - they were so good.
Me: Did you feed any to the dogs?
G: Oh? Huh? (walking into the other room)
Me: Grandma. Did you give cookies to the dogs?
G: Oh – I can’t remember.

She brushed the question aside as she checked if the garage door was locked.

G: Are all the doors locked?
Me: I’ll answer your question when you answer mine.
G: What’d you ask?
Me: DID YOU GIVE COOKIES TO THE DOGS?
G: Oh just a couple pieces.
Me: A couple pieces or a couple cookies?
G: We broke each cookie up into two pieces. They each only got two.
Me: Grandma. DO.NOT.FEED.THE.ANIMALS. Look at your itinerary! Sugar is poison to them.
G: Oh, is there sugar in those?
Me: Let’s go to bed.
G: OK – where’s NM?
Me: She’s in Kentucky… with DH.
G: Oh – that’s right. Did you tell me that already?
Me Yes. 5 times. Good night Grandma.
G: Good night.

My Mom admits to being passive aggressive and having us “Grandma-sit” on the weekend that Daylight Saving Time changed, has not gone by unnoticed. The hour time change really seemed to have Grandma worked up on Sunday. Mom had left instructions for us not to try to change the wall clock, (that chimes every quarter hour) in the living room. I finally had to call and have DH talk me through changing it. It was really bothering Grandma. Later:

G: The clock says 11. So it’s really noon?
Me: No – It’s 11. Yesterday it would’ve been 10. But now it’s 11. Whatever the clock says, is what time it is.

Meals on wheels arrived at 12:30. Grandma was convinced all three of us should share her meal, so BW and I were forced to find our lunch then, to appease her. Baby left in the early afternoon and the rest of the day was mostly uneventful. Overall, looking back at the weekend - we were very thankful nothing major happened, though many “looks” were exchanged between BW and me, in response to conversations with our sweet Grandma. I will offer a few examples of “look”-generating conversations below:

While we were sitting in the living room watching television:

G: Where is everyone?
Me: Who is everyone?
G: The girls.
Me: What girls?
G: From the bus.
Me: What bus?
G: The one from here to Mcville.
Me: Is that a bus you used to drive?
G: Oh no! I KNOW I used to drive a bus, this was just recent.
Me: Grandma, you haven’t been on a bus to Mcville recently.
G: Yes I was. See these two broken fingernails? (Shows me her hand) I chipped them on the brick.

I digress. She may or may not have ridden a brick bus with ‘the girls’ to Mcville….but this is not my battle. (But yes, I called my Mom to check on it – negative to the bus ride).

While watching The Amazing Race on television Sunday evening, there was a scene involving WWI trenches:

G: I’ve been there!
Me: Where? When?
G: In those… (pointing to the TV screen) In the war...
M: You were in the war? (this is news to me)
G: Well, I didn’t serve, but I took the carts to the girls that were. (There are those girls again)
M: Which war?
G: World War I
Me: Grandma….what year were you born?
G: 1925.
Me: World War I was over by then…. (I tell her, silently thanking my HS History teacher, Mr. Meeker, for that morsel of knowledge)
G: Oh…then maybe it was a different war.

While watching ESPN, there is discussion of the upcoming NCAA tourney:

G: That guy is really smart.
Me: Yes Grandma, I think he is too.
G: He’s said a lot, and I’ve been looking it up. It’s all true.
Me: What’ve you been looking it up in?
G: My Bible.
Me: So the guy talking about the tournament is saying things that you’re looking up in your Bible.
G: Yes.
Me: Well, then I’m going with his picks.

A little later….

G; Meals on wheels should be here soon. Are they bringing you lunch?
Me: No Grandma. Just you. We’ll find something else to eat.
G; Well, aren’t you set up like I am?
Me: You mean where someone just brings me food to my door every day?
G; Yes.
Me: No I’m not.
G: Well, why not? It’s great!
Me: Maybe in a few years.

While Facebooking on my laptop:

G: Do you enjoy your microwave?
Me: My microwave? Like, for food? Yeah it’s nice.
G; No…. that. (pointing to my laptop).
Me: OH! Yes, my laptop. That’s nice too. But three minutes on high won’t give me fried chicken and mashed potatoes.

And not long after that, while petting Ginger:

G: She doesn’t have a key on her collar. Maybe we should get her one.
Me: A key? Like for the door.
G; Yeah.
Me: Grandma – do you think Ginger could use a key to our house very well?
G: (Laughing) Well no, I guess not.

SCORE ONE FOR GRANDMA!

Having only been with Grandma a few times since I got married in August, it is sad to see how much she has slowed down since then. It is amazing, however, to see how her personality has stayed consistent, despite her confusion. The still organized, once highly effective businesswoman carries her phone numbers, itinerary and Bible everywhere she goes. Everything, from the cars driving by, to the music on television is just as important for her to have figured out, as anything in her past. I also know her emotions are as real and lucid as ever. Her excitement over seeing her grandsons is warming. So even though I’ll never call her again to give me a ride to the pool, I will still be sure to call her, just to say hello. And next time Grandma’s starting line up needs a break, I will be glad to step in for a couple days and pass the ball around.