Episode 16 - Lucky Striker

I’ve been feeling a bit overwhelmed this week. I need to blog for therapy but am not even sure where to begin. We’re down to the wire (tomorrow) to have D1 emptied, have family visiting this week, CeCe’s track season has begun… and of course, Grandma. I’m reminded of the “Gotta, Wanta, Oughta” philosophy I used to utilize. Every task was mentally categorized and then prioritized in writing. It worked. I took care to include some “wanta’s” in my high priorities for my own mental health.

A few years later, I described my life as a stove with two rows of burners. The front row had only one burner and the back had several. I was the ‘cook’ who masterfully moved the pots of my life back and forth… taking care to tend them all but typically focusing on the front burner (7-9 minutes, cover – remove from heat).

My life has now progressed to what I’m calling the Bowling Pin Stage. I don’t multi-task as well as I used to. For the sake of this analogy, I will assign labels to the ten current bowling pins of my life…. in no particular order.

CeCe – age 15, social, athletic, homework, etc.

Grandma – no explanation needed

Children/Grandchildren – Our sons, their wives and their families… emphasis on grandchildren!

Sleep – If only we could exist without it. I could sure use those six extra hours in my day.

Work – Often a welcome diversion but still usually 40 hours of fairly intense brain strain

Housework/Laundry – Ya gotta have clean underwear, clean house is optional

Cooking/Shopping – Don’t shop, can’t eat.

Church/Bible Study – Fuel

Other Relationships - Often reduced to reading Facebook statuses, emails and text messages

Urgent Issues – Currently emptying D1 (Grandma’s apartment)

Unlike the stove analogy, where I move the pots back and forth between the front and back burners… the BPS is much different. Not only are the pins much further away from me – the automatic pinsetter positions them randomly. I stand at a distance, with a mere twelve pound bowing ball… (all I can handle) realizing it isn’t the weight, but the technique and finesse with which it is thrown that will yield the greatest score. I will aim for the pocket with high hopes – knowing a dead-on hit to the head pin will garner a split (which would then require a choice… and as you know, I’m decision impaired).

My three step approach (Pray, Plan, Pray again) is followed by release over the second arrow. I step back and watch the ball veer toward the pins of my life, standing stubbornly at the end of the alley. Clunk, clunk clunk … a few pins topple over. The ball returns and I go for the spare. Clunk, clunk. The little arm comes down and clears the remaining pins. The pinsetter replaces them and I try again.

Frame after frame, day after day – I throw ball after ball trying to get a strike. I can’t break 100. I need bumpers… I need a beer frame…. I need help.

You may have noted DH was not included in my pin lineup. There’s a good reason for that – and it isn’t because he’s not a high priority because he is. But DH isn’t found at the end of the lane with the pins of my life. He stands by my side and is involved in my every throw. He coaches me to move to the right or left… warns me not to loft the ball… advises, cheers, and consoles. He inspired me years ago, as I watched him live with and care for his own confused father…. and continues to encourage me as he helps care for my mother, as a son.

On Friday we will celebrate our fourth wedding anniversary. Each year has held its own unique challenges and blessings. Having Grandma living with us is both, DH’s help makes it possible…. He picks up my spares and keeps me out of the gutter! Happy Anniversary DH – I love you.

So ends Episode 16