Episode 30 - The Difference

It has been another one of those weeks. Grandma has had some frustrations with the house rules and let me know she may be moving out.

Me: Why do you want to move out?
G: Well, I don't do what you want me to do.
Me: We just ask that you follow the same rules we follow Mom. Where do you think you'd go if you left here?
G: I haven't decided. I'll have to talk to my family. (the family she refers to would be my boys, her grandsons) I know they'd come and get me but I'm not sure who I'd stay with.
Me: Do you really think you'd be happier somewhere else? And is it worth more to you to live somewhere else than to not feed the dogs your lunch?
G: I don't know.

I was away from the house a couple hours yesterday morning. Grandma said she wanted to take a walk. DH told her she could do so, but not to cross the street. (We actually live in a unique area where you can walk around a three block perimeter without crossing a street.) He set the timer on the stove for 10 minutes, figuring if she wasn't back by then, he'd go on a search and rescue mission.

Ten minutes later, the timer sounds and DH puts on his shoes to go hunt Grandma down. She comes in the back door.

DH: I was just coming to look for you.
G: I went to Ace Hardware.
DH: Ace Hardware? You have to cross two streets to get there. You weren't supposed to cross any streets.
G: It was just a couple. I've been there before.
DH: But you're not to cross the street.
G: Then how could I get there?

Grandma and DH are now officially on the 'outs' ... each feeling the other is unreasonable. I return home to civil silence.

G: He's mad at me. Why can't I go to Ace Hardware?
Me: Mom, you got lost a week ago. We told you we can't let you cross the street unless someone is with you. What did you need at Ace?
G: I don't know, but I have shopped there for years.
Me: I realize that - but you didn't say you wanted to go there. DH didn't expect you to cross streets. He was ready to go look for you... I'm sure the last thing he wanted was to have to tell me when I came home that he's let you go for a walk and you never came back.

The civil silence now extends to me.

This morning I tell Grandma we need to do her shower. She's not happy but goes begrudgingly. During her shower, she seems much easier to reason with. When I got in to wash her back and hair, she said, "You take such good care of me."

Me: That's right, I do... do you think the boys (her grandsons) would give you this good a shower? (One son has compassionately told me that when "I" get old, he will gladly come over once a week and hose me down...)
G: (Laughing) No, I don't think so.
Me: So when you get mad at me... remember I'm just trying to take care of you and keep you safe.
G: I know that, and I don't get mad at you.
Me: Yes you do, and that's OK. You're mostly just frustrated about the things you can't do that you used to do. If you want to go to Ace Hardware, and we're home - that's OK. Just tell us. At least we'll know where to start looking if you don't come home.
G: I'm sorry. I know I get confused. Do the boys?
Me: Do they what?
G: Know how I am. How I get? (Aha... she doesn't want to narrow her moving options by their having too much knowledge). Don't tell them. Lie to them. (Now it's my turn to laugh...)
Me: Yes, they know. They are glad you are here with us and they want you to be safe too.

As we move from shower to 'styling chair' - I begin to blow dry Grandma's hair.

G: Is my hair white?
Me: Hmmm, I'm not sure, I'd say it's still more gray than white (though I notice the fresh outgrowth from her roots are much more snow colored than mouse... probably about the length of her time with us.)
G: I look in the mirror and I'm never sure.
Me: I could dye it a nice shade of red.
G: No! (laughing)

I help Grandma dress and then go change into my clothes for church. She goes downstairs, settles into her chair and says to DH, "Boy, If you ever want a good back rub, just go sit in that shower." (She fails to mention to take me along)

As DH and CeCe go out the door, I grab the remote control (the one Grandma isn't allowed to use) and brought up a Classic Gospel Hour.

Me: Here you go Mom - this will be almost as good as church today (that's easy to say to a woman who carries her Bible with her.... She becomes instantly glued to the screen like a child to their favorite animated program.)

I speak again to tell her when we'll return, but she is totally absorbed in the music. I smile. What a difference a day... a shower... and a little Gospel make. I head to the car as Grandma is singing, "He touched me and made me whole...."

So ends Episode 30.