Episode 72 - Walking her home

Our experience in the Emergency Room was surreal.  Belle's Daddy arrived quickly.  We held Grandma's hands and talked to her. She was still in some pain but semi-conscious.  I was called from the room several times to talk to various professionals.   One told me there was damage to her heart that would eventually cause it to fail.  Another, from Hospice, explained how Grandma could be admitted to the hospital, to be made and kept comfortable. Pastor Tom phoned to say he had gotten the message from the hospital and would be with us as soon as possible.  DH arrived as did Belle and her Mommy.  Thus began a roller coaster ride of fear, tears and trust.  I was afraid of what was lying ahead... I was sad because I knew ultimately the "what" would be the end of my mother's life ... and I had no choice but to trust... the doctors and nurses who would accompany us on this journey and of course, God - Who would watch over it all and bring it to an end, in His time.

It was about three hours before we were moved to a room on the 5th floor.  While we were in the ER, I sang to Mom....  her favorite hymns and a few other songs that came to my mind.  She appeared asleep but would often join in singing or "direct" with her hand in the air.  As we sat there, I recalled car rides from my childhood when I was seated between my parents.  Mom and I would always sing our entire repertoire and my Dad would occasionally join in with his loud booming voice.  There was never a car ride that we didn't sing the little ditty from the college Grandma had attended.  "I want to go back to Coe again"  .... "where we'd sling-a da ink and push-a da pen along".  There's a little chorus/chant at the end of the song: "sling-a da ink, sling-a da ink, push-a da pen, push-a da pen"  (probably my Dad's favorite part).  As I sang it now to Mom - she joined in just as brusquely as he would have, at the chant.  "Sling-a da ink, sling-a da ink, push-a da pen, push-a da pen"   When we finished, she raised her arm in the air and said, "Yea Grandma!"  We laughed. 

At one point, with Belle's Daddy on one side of her bed and me on the other, she asked, "Will Dad be glad about this?"  We smiled through our tears.

BD:  Oh, he's gonna be very glad

Me:  Yes Mom... very glad.

A while later, Belle was sitting on my lap when a nurse practitioner entered the room, wearing a dreaded white jacket.  Belle has had more than a few encounters with doctors in white jackets (and hospitals in general) during her short little life.  She turned and clung to me.  Her Mommy offered her one of her soft satin blankets, which she clutched but she wanted "a baby" too.  Mommy extended a small plastic toy (since no baby was to be had) but it wasn't the comfort Belle wanted.  The white jacket was still there.  Belle threw up.  If you ever need a little levity in a small hospital room with  close to ten people in it.  Have a two year old vomit all over her Nana, the floor and worst of all, her soft, satin blanket.  Mommy retreated with Belle, to be cleaned. Nana resumed singing and a nurse brought in a pair of scrubs for me to change into.  Pastor Tom arrived.  He prayed over Mom and joined Bea, DH and me in our singing.  He quietly shared with us that he had lost his own mother a few days earlier.

We were told Mom would likely die within a day - though it may be sooner.  As they moved us upstairs I texted with the son in Chicago. 

Son: Any update?

Me: Hospice said it may be tomorrow or maybe even tonight. She is still having the heart attack

Me: She is awake and talking a little

Son: So she'll be OK?

Me: No... she is medicated and they are making her comfortable

Son: Should we come to Iowa?

Me: Yes

Son: Tonight?

We discussed their waiting until morning... we spoke on the phone... he said they'd make arrangements.  They wanted to come tonight.

DH texted his sons to let them know what was happening.  CeCe had a track meet.  He texted and told her we were at the hospital with Grandma and couldn't be there.  Since this was our third trip to the hospital in three weeks, she was not overly alarmed.  He kept in text contact with her over the next few hours.  We would tell her the rest of the news later.

Son T. was in Arizona, where he had moved two weeks prior for a new job.  He was frantically trying to find the most affordable and fastest way to get home.

T:  I can't get there tonight Mom

Me:  I know that honey... it's OK

I knew how much he wanted to be here... with Grandma and with us.  I didn't hold much hope that he'd get to the hospital before the end - but it was outside of my control.  Though it didn't look like he'd be here before Wednesday, he was able to get a flight with the assistance of his mother-in-law's employer (a mortuary).  He'd be in the next evening about 7:00.

DH went to get CeCe after her track meet and brought her to the hospital. He also brought back a DVD player and the 6 hour Gaither recording he had made. Although we continued to sing when Grandma had periods of wakefulness (as in, her eyes were open) the Gaithers now provided the 24/7 background we had become so accustomed to in the past year. The son and DIL from Chicago arrived about midnight.  We all took turns holding Grandma's hands, stroking her hair, patting her.   We prepared to settle in for the night.  The hospital room became a campground with resting bodies all over the floor.  Belle's Daddy who is over 6'3" took rest on a love seat in the family room next door.... I curled up on the foot of the hospital bed.  Grandma was given morphine whenever we deemed it necessary.  There were no machines, no IV bags... the oxygen she'd had when she was in the ER was removed, mostly at her insistence. She kept removing the tube from her nose. 

We were all prepared for what we thought would happen before morning.  We had told her we loved her and she had managed to tell us the same.  At one point in the evening I had said to her:

Me: You know you'll be going to heaven soon Mom. You're going to see Jesus... and Dad.

Grandma: That's what I wanted to hear!

Me: I want you to tell Dad about the boys Mom. How they grew up so well... and about DH ... let him know for me, please?

No one got a lot of sleep.  The room could feel amazingly warm one moment and cold the next.  We had many blankets from home and probably half the bedding from the 5th floor.  We were wall to wall family as we started the journey of walking Grandma home.

So ends Episode 72